Not quite anything at all

4 posts
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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 25
Walking in a circular motion,
not quite pacing,
not quite anything at all.

Walking in a circular motion,
watching the same images pass by,
each one growing a little different every time.

Not quite pacing,
not in any certain way,
just passing time away.

Not quite anything at all,
just like a note left in the bathroom stall,
just like you've seen it all.




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 11
I like the idea, but the wording could use a little work (but I don't get imagery so it might just do as well to stay like it is).

Anyways I think this is very powerful... it makes me think of how much time is actually wasted... and that's a good thing because wasted time is bad. =]




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 71
This was very confusing, in a really good way. It is meant to be that way, a confusing poem!

I really liked how you used the repition, making it have a wandering and confusing affect!

Nice job!

Paw
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Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 8
Hey,
I like your poem. It has a good rhythm and I know what you're going for.

I got a little off when you repeated "Walking in a circular motion." in the second verse, but you might have done that on purpose.

It's very, I want to say random but it isn't exactly that, broad? I mean that it brings lots of things together that fit and don't exactly match. It's good but wording is the best thing to think about.

Nice work. ^ ^

Thanks,
Mikaela (Cally)
You may think you're witty
You make think you're smart
But we know the truth
You're just an old fart



What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though.
— J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye