“I need to talk to you,” he said quietly, stealing my soccer ball from my hands.
I grinned, stealing it back.
“Right,” I said spinning it in my hands before dropping it to my foot and juggling it for a moment. “Well we’ve kind of been talking this entire week.” I reminded him.
“I know,” he said, lifting a hand and holding it behind his neck as he looked down, suddenly interested in the grass.
Two warm hands covered my eyes and held me against a firm body behind me. I laughed, tugging at the hands pointlessly.
Finally I spun around, and his hands dropped behind my neck, still linked together.
“Josh,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around him and letting him hold me.
“Hey,” he said softly, his lips at my ear. “I’m really going to miss you.” He chuckled, pulling me back and examining my eyes. I forgot all about Henry needing to talk to me, and lost complete notice of him.
“I’m going to miss you too,” I admitted, letting go and stepping back a little. As my hands dropped he caught them with his own, swinging them gently as he spoke.
“I’ll write to you every day.” He said quietly, then glancing up at the forgotten Henry.
“You too, dorm partner!” Henry looked up in surprise,
“What?” he asked, dazed.
“Keep in touch buddy.” He said, nodding upwards for a moment and Henry nodded in agreement before settling himself on the ground.
“I’ve never met anyone like you before,” he said to me again, intertwining my fingers with his and allowing our foreheads to come together, “Well—to be honest, I’ve never met a girl able to smoke me in soccer,” he tacked on, and I joined him in laughing.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” I smiled, “I mean not many guys would take up a challenge against me.” I joked.
He let the light moment grow serious when words were scarce.
“I…I want you to remember me, okay? And if any of those Madison guys even attempt to hurt you—” he looked up at the sky, searching for vivid enough words, “—well, you get the picture, right?” I looked at me again, smiling.
“Got it.” I said softly, hugging him again.
A horn beeped behind us and Josh hesitantly let me go.
“Take care, Mary Parker.” He said, picking up his bags and walking towards the car.
“Bye…” I said, feeling a few tears sting at my eyes.
He paused right as he got to the door of the car. He dropped his bags and turned around.
“Don’t let me see those tears,” he said, rushing towards me and twirling me in a hug. He kissed my cheek and turned without looking back, running to the car and throwing his bags in.
As the car pulled away, I gloomily plopped down next to Henry, who was unusually quiet.
I lay next to him, looking up at the gray sky, spinning the ball in my hands.
“Long-distance relationships aren’t all that great, you know.” He said in a monotone voice, folding his arms across his chest and sitting up.
I continued to play with my ball, amused.
“Yeah,” I agreed, “I’m really going to have a hard time without him…”
He was silent.
Then I remembered,
“Was there something you wanted to talk to me about?”
Silence.
“Henry?”
“…huh?”
“What did you want to talk about?” I reminded him, sitting up.
“Forget it.”
“What!? Now I really want to know. Come on, Henry. Talk to me.”
He paused, glancing at me,
“You know, Josh isn’t that great of a guy.”
I laughed,
“You’re kidding me, right?”
Silence.
“He’s perfect,” I went on, looking up at the sky, “He loves soccer, he’s athletic—he loves the rain—he plays the cello—he loves Disney movies, writing, drawing, taking walks at sunrise and sunset, oh—” I got excited, “And get this, he even wants a house by a lake—just like me!”
Silence.
“But what I love most about him… his patience… his kind-hearted nature. He loves everyone. He includes everyone. He’d spend the day with me if I was having a hard time. He loves his family. He’s sensitive…not afraid to cry…” my voice got softer… “I can’t find a flaw in him.”
A car began to pull up next to the curb.
“You’re right,” said Henry, standing up and gathering his bags. “he’s perfect. I’m just jealous.”
I laughed,
“Jealous of what?” I asked as he started to walk towards the parked car.
“He has something I want.” He admitted, continuing to walk. It began to rain, and thunder boomed in the sky.
“What’s that?” I called to him through the rain.
He must not have heard me.
“Henry!” I said louder, standing up.
He climbed into the car.
The door slammed.
I grabbed my bags and ran into the lobby to stay dry and wait for my ride.
I leaned my head against the glass of the waiting area, frustrated.
What was he jealous of?
Abilities?
No, Josh was only slightly superior to Henry in skills with soccer and everything else.
Maybe it was his personality in general…
Finally, the familiar family car pulled in front of the main lobby, and I rushed through the rain with my hood on to climb in.
My parents greeted me excitedly, and I filled them in on everything that had happened.
It seemed like forever before we got home, and I crashed onto my bed, fiddling with my phone before falling asleep…
The following weeks were all training for soccer and orchestra. I worked hard. Blood. Sweat. Pain.
I loved it.
Henry and I worked together on soccer, and I worked individually on everything else.
Josh and I talked everyday on the phone, he texted me constantly, and like he said, there was a letter in the mail box almost every day.
My parents didn’t know what to think of it, it probably caught them off guard to think that I finally had a boyfriend, and I don’t blame them.
I’ve never had a ton of luck with boys. They all…fear me… afraid that I’m too good or something. I never understand… and it confuses me more than anything. So my entire family was enthralled with Josh, awed by our relationship. And when I announced that he would be coming to stay the rest of the summer with his aunt and uncle—who lived only a couple blocks away—their ecstasy was almost as equal as my own.
I spent time with Henry almost every day, he was becoming one of my closest friends.
One day he texted me at three in the morning… a message that really caught me off guard.
"I broke up with Jenny"
It woke me up, and I called him immediately after reading it.
“Hello?” the voice rasped.
“Hi,” I said softly, speaking as tenderly as I could.
“Hey.”
Silence.
“Are you okay?” I asked, my voice still careful.
“No.” he said bluntly, still raspy.
Silence.
“Can you come get me?” he asked.
“Now?”
“Yes.”
“It’s—”
“I know.”
Silence.
“Be ready.”
I hung up, getting dressed as quickly as I could. I snuck out of the house stealthily, praying to the sleep-gods that my parents wouldn’t hear me start the car.
Luckily, no father of mine stumbled out of the front door furiously, intending to find out where I was going.
It was a ten minute drive to his house.
I made it in seven.
He came out and slid into the front seat, and I examined him before driving back into town.
He had been crying. That was easy to tell. His hands were shaking, and he fought to hold still.
It was pitch black.
“Mary,” he rasped.
“Yes?” I asked, glancing at him from the road.
“Talk to me. Please.”
“About what?”
“Anything.”
I spoke on the first thing that came to mind. As usual.
“Er… Josh is going to be here tomorrow. I thought that maybe we could all spend some time together. Go to a movie or something."
“Talk about anything but that.”
“Okay…what do you want me to talk about?”
Silence.
I bit my lip, thinking hard.
“Just…describe something. You’ve always been good with words. Describe somewhere peaceful.” He said, leaning his head against the rest and closing his eyes.
I thought for a moment, preparing myself.
“The air is soft, and warm. The scent is white lilies and sweet coconut. The waves slide smoothly on the cooling sand. Soft voices disappear as they move away… the palm tree isn’t too far away from me. I can hear the long leaves rustle in the warm breeze. The sun begins to hide behind the ocean, shattering brilliant colors of red…orange… yellow—all across the sky. The clouds begin to dissipate into the reddened sky… flat at the bottom, then flowing and unpredictable on top. The sand is warm—but slowly cooling from the absent sun. It feels soothing against the heat of my skin—”
I stopped at the sound of his breathing becoming consistent. He was asleep.
I was tired myself, so found an empty side of the road and parked,
snagging a couple of the quilts I always kept in the back.
I gently put one on Henry, then cuddled up to my own. I fell asleep instantly.
I woke up only momentarily after Henry did, and he smiled at me sleepily when I yawned, starting the engine and drove towards Maverick.
“Where are we going?” he asked, tossing the quilt in the back.
“Breakfast.” I announced, pulling into Maverick, “Hot chocolate and a scone for me. What do you want?”
We got our food, and I made sure to buy some donuts for everyone else at home for an excuse as to why I was just getting home.
Henry finally began to talk to me about Jenny.
He cried.
And I tried to comfort him the best I could.
When we got to his house he got quiet, looking straight ahead as if searching for the right words.
“Mary…” he began, fiddling with his phone.
“Yeah?” I asked, pausing to speak before sipping my hot chocolate.
He paused,
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I owe you.”
“Yes you do.”
He shrugged out of the car, waving to me as I drove out of the driveway.
When I got home the house was eerily silent, and I assumed that everyone was asleep. I slid the donuts across the kitchen table before heading to my room.
I collapsed onto my bed after closing the door and adjusting my Do not Disturb sign on my door knob.
I was asleep in five seconds.
Distant voices brought me to a reality that my unconscious mind could not discern as reality, so I kept my eyes closed.
It was strange, I suddenly felt this presence right next to me, and then I knew someone was there when I heard the soft breathing. My eyes grudgingly fluttered open, and ecstasy was not enough of a word to describe my joy.
Josh knelt next to my bed, his arms were folded and his chin rested against them as he leaned forward, gazing at me intently.
He laughed at my surprised face, and ‘umphed’ when I tackled him with a hug.
I had been sleeping for three hours since I had gotten home—it was now twelve noon.
When I had gotten up that day, the idea of it being the worst day of my life was far from my mind. I couldn’t have planned the day more perfectly. Josh and I would first go on a walk—we both loved walks—that way we could catch up orally—and one on one instead of on the phone or letters or texts.
He was quiet—more than usual, and I was surprised to find him this way. But in my own stupid excitement, I blabbered on and on about my life instead of listening to his.
The next event I had planned the night before. It would then be two or threeish, and we would go play soccer with Henry for a couple of hours. Then, it would be about dinner time and I would take him to my favorite restraint in town—Millhollow made the best sandwiches in town if you asked me, and I intended to make him agree. After that we would go to a movie, followed of course—by another walk… more talking… more soccer…
And then… we would play our instruments. I was absolutely delighted to find that he had brought his cello and immediately added a duet to our to-do list for the day. After that we could sit on the white wooden bench that sat between the trees in our back yard and watch the sunset. It would be the perfect ending of the perfect day.
That’s what I wished had happened.
Instead, on the first item of the agenda (the walk at twelve—where I blabber and he listens) I was very unprepared to hear what he had to say.
“Mary,” he stopped us, taking my hands into his and looking very sad. “I need to tell you something… and I’m afraid that after this you’ll never speak to me again.”
Thinking he was being satirical I laughed, making a face—one that quickly subsided when I realized he was being serious.
“Oh—” I said, surprised, “What is it?”
He squeezed my hands softly and then held me for a full minute.
“What was that for?” I asked incredulously, peering at him suspiciously.
“Probably the last hug I’ll ever get from you.” He said seriously.
I didn’t understand.
“What are you talking about?”
“I want to break up.”
Silence.
…
More silence…
“Please, say something.”
“Why?”
“Because you mean so much to me, and you’re breaking my heart.”
“Why are you doing this?”
He looked very sad.
“I—met someone else.”
And so you can imagine the several things that happened after this incident.
I ran away, threw myself down the stairs, hurled myself through the hall, and then slammed the door—locking it and falling into sobs as I collapsed onto the ground.
After two hours of sobbing, I knew that I would lose myself if I didn’t get help. I crawled weakly to my phone, dialing the number I knew best.
Henry’s.
“Hello?”
“Henry—.” I sobbed, barely hearing my voice.
“Mary? What’s wrong? What’s going on?” his voice was urgent.
I knew I couldn’t speak. How stupid was this? To call someone and not be able to speak to them.
I hung up. Ignoring the ringing when he called six times after that.
After four more hours of sobbing, I realized it was raining. How fitting, I thought, taking a quilt and sneaking outside to the white wooden bench between our trees.
I leaned my head on the corner of it, well aware that I was slowly being drenched in plummeting raindrops.
The sky was dark, and even though my body was freezing I felt no pain. I forgot about time.
Forgot about anything that mattered.
“Mary?” a voice spoke my name with the most tender tone that it had my intention immediately. My soul was hungered for love—hungry to know that someone cared. I turned my head to meet Henry’s eyes.
“Your mom told me what happened.” He said. I sighed into a sob, and the tears could not stop.
He sat next to me, and held his arms open to me and I fell into them obligingly. I was so grateful he was here with me now, so confused as to why I deserved such a comfort.
He rocked me, and I sobbed, and cried, and wailed…
A half an hour later, he finally spoke.
“Want to know why I’ve been jealous of him?” he asked.
I remembered the day… I remembered my frustration when he wouldn’t tell me…
“Why?” I blubbered through his shirt.
“You want to know what he had that I was so damn jealous of?”
I looked up, blinking away some tears to see his face more clearly.
“What?”
“You.”
And before I knew it, he had kissed me, his soft lips moved gently with mine—realizing my broken soul was tender and hurting—he was careful with me.
And when he was done, he held me in the rain.
.
