Tying the Knot

Today is the day I tie the knot
and as I do, I remember what
my life was like, what was my lot
before the day I tied the knot.

I remember what I had forgot
a thousand memories on the trot
and what has been, and what has not
before the day I tied the knot.

Pain and sorrow was all I got
but I've the chance to change that lot
now I can leave the world to rot
as around my neck, I tie the knot.

*gasp*

Whoa, dude. I just got this... this tingle up my neck as I read that last line! Dude, that was awesome!

The ryhming was rather... forced. This poem rhymed, but it sometimes wasn't natural. It all made sense though. Except for:

I remember what I had forgot

To be grammaratically correct, this would have read

I remember what I had forgotten

So, I would try and find a new rhyme or something or make up a different line for this.

Really awesome! Especially the end. It was cool.

-Jared

I liked this also. I don't really have much other than that to say sorry.

Oh, bbb you spell wow funny. lol

I'm with BBB. I got a flutter when I read the last line. Just a few things I noticed just while I was reading...the rhyming throughout is forced and gives a kind of 'nursery rhyme' ring to it which I'm sure you don't want when dealing with such a serious topic. Also, you do not need a capital letter for each new line, except after full stops. Other than that I liked it. Well done. And welcome to YWS. I hope you settle in well.

Hope and Best wishes,

Eimear xx

Well... As the others stated, the rhyming felt a little forced. While I was reading this poem, I thought by "tying the knot" you was speaking of marriage, but after that last line....wow!

That effect was amazing! Totally threw me off, but in a good way. Great job!

first I feel like you are talking about getting married. And it seems to me as if it is more of a poem that you would find by a poet from the 1980s..........like more of an older type genre if you catch my drift. Then at the end it seems like you're talking about tying a noose around your neck because it caused sorrow to you. It seems like a very amusing poem, its passable for your first attempt at least. It could be passable for anyone else too, its just not what Im interested in, but then again I am a writer, not a reader. Well I am a reader sometimes and I love reading books. But from what I can tell this is more of an olden times poem and if you want the attention of more readers then you should go with a more modern approach.

First, welcome to the young writers society!

So y'all telling me that this poem didn't have anything to do with getting married? I hope it did or I'm gonna feel like an idiot.
I thought the last line was brilliant! I thought it co-in-signed with getting married or "tying the knot". I don't know, but I still liked the poem!

I really liked this poem it gave me chills. I loved how when you read the first line you believe it's about marriage then the last line just blows you away. Wow. It was amazing, and the fact that it was your first attempt at poetry just makes me love it even more.

Keep writing poetry, man!
-Domenique

I totally agree with Alexis*the*person. I thought you were talking about marriage. I was confused until the very last line. But I feel it really doesn't go deep. I don't feel the same sorrow as you. I don't feel like I could connect to this poem because it's vague and slightly apathetic. It's pretty good considering it's your very first poem. I think if you (oh, this will sound so very cheesy...) search inside yourself for these deep feelings and keep writing, you will become quite good.

-Holly

Its okay for a start. A bit on the short side, but overall good. You should definetly work on length. I didn't see any spelling errors.

Eek, I got such a shock with that last line! Loved how the last line turned it all around.

I didn't think the rhymes were too forced except perhaps 'I remember what I had forgot/A thousand memories on the trot'. (Should there perhaps be a comma at the end of that first line?) This is because, as BigBadBear already said, it would be 'forgotten' technically. I thought the same sound throughout worked well.

The poem is short but I think one of its best points is how concise it is. Beginning, middle, end - I remember, this is what I remember, this is what I'm going to do.

The structure of 'And what has been, and what has not' was brilliant, as was the rhythm and matter-of-fact tone.

All I can say is wow. Like almost everyone else said, and I agree with them, the first thing that I thought about was marriage, but holy cow I was wrong. I didn't notie anything really wrong with your poem, just a little forced, but over all, it was awesome. Keep on writing.

Ok, first of all I'd like to thank all you guys for reviewing. Just a few responses;

To be grammaratically correct, this would have read

I remember what I had forgotten

I know, I know, but I'm sure we can grant some artistic license here

Also, a clarification; this poem is NOT about marriage. The reader is supposed to think this until the last couple of lines. Most of you worked this out, but a few seemed confused- hopefully this clears it up

Wow, this is amazing. At first I thought it was going to be like marrige but when I got towards the end I got it. This is a very powerful poem. great job.