Whoever Invented Thursdays Hated Teenagers

I wrote this on my birthday, about my birthday, which happens to be on a Thursday this year. That is all that I'm going to say.

(New Version)
I am nothing!
I'm worth nothing.
I've done nothing...
except well exist.

These past sixteen years
have been a waste,
completely pointless!
And that scares me...

I wake up in the morning,
I go to school,
I come home,
I sleep, then repeat.

Whatever happened to my dreams?
How did my life become so dull?
Who am I, really?
Who am I to become?

The other day I was told
the secret to acing a test.
It's called a "Correct Answers Pencil"
No, it's not magic, it's mental.

Depressing thought, isn't it?
No magic. No nonsense.
No happy thoughts
that make you fly.

This year I'm going to change that,
I'm going to do something I've never done.
I swear I will!
I know I shouldn't but I have to...

But this is personal.

***
(Old Version)
The secret to acing a test
is to use a correct answers pencil.
There's no magic involved,
it's all psychological.

So where did the magic go?
Hopes and wishes
have been banished to the sun.
In there place comes responsibility and principles.

I still wish.
I wish I may, I wish I might,
have the wish I wish tonight:
I wish Thursday's were no more!
-----
This was actually written on a wednesday... weird, huh?

What do you think it means? The Poem, not the wednesday thing.

Many a common problem in writing poetry, is telling us, rather than showing us, letting us see. It really doesn't have anything memorable, I hoped with a title like that it may of been better. What you have isn't really that interesting, just a few ideas, that don't really connect. Some cliches and just leaving people wondering, what was the point.

Overall: You obviously need to read more poetry, because this doesn't use much langauge techniques, and tells us, rather than showing us. Just work on reading poetry right now, it'll make ya better.

Good luck
VSN

Vernon - Thanks.

I'm not much of a poet really so I'm not too surprised. It just came to me and I wanted to see what other's thought of it. Plus I wouldn't mind getting better, so thanks for criting it!

Interesting concept nonetheless. Telling us rather than showing aside, I'm intregued. Why does the poet not like Thursdays? A got a vibe of exams or something to that effect. Don't really have much of a problem on this, but I would like to read some more of your work.

PM me with any more poems and I'll have a look.

Best wishes,

Eimear

Eimear -
Yeah, your on the right track... not so much exams but school in general.

I have more poems on my blog. (xanga.com/sketchawk) They are not that great... but yeah you can look at them if you want. They're the first two post on the site. I'll probably post them on here sooner or later...

Just letting everyone know that I updated it. So is it any better?

I would say that you're still in that horrid show-don't-tell territory. To get out of it, think of the images that these feelings and situations make you think of and describe those images.

Urg! Now I know why I'm not a poet. I like to say what I mean and mean what I say, nothing symbolic. If I wanted that I would be painting this instead of writing...

*sigh*

... okay mini-rant over. I'll take this under the knife (pen) once more and see if I can't make it any less telling-y...

Well, poetry isn't for everyone. Perhaps if that is what you like to do, maybe non-fiction prose is more your thing. Still doesn't mean you shouldn't learn all the skills that make other forms of writing good.

Ain't that the truth. I don't know maybe I'll try prose instead when I edit it again.

As they say you have to know the rules before you can break them... Plus maybe knowing more about poetry will help with the show-not-tell thing in creative writing and not being so wordy, cuz lets face it, poetry is not that wordy.

Okay I'm going to start ranting again if I don't stop now.

Thanks.

That is how i feel sometimes. The poem doesn't really strike me to have a sceme though so i dont relly foloow that. but i can understand how the poem is trying to take the feeling that you are portraying. My own friend who is going to her first year of college now even had a panic attack when she turned eighteen because she realized that she wasn't exactly a kid anymore and all the years seemed to have gone by so fast without her even noticing most of it. I think that this poem could explain a little bit the way she felt about turning eighteen so fast. it was a good poem in free verse but i also think that you could have added just a little more substance to it.