Old Poem: A Break Up Tale

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(I found this on TYWC and I totally forgot about this. It only had one post there but here I hope it has more. When I was feeling vile I changed the ending. I'll add that on too.)

Yeah, you said you loved me and I was stupid
So stupid to believe what you said
But I should’ve known you didn’t mean it
I hate men like you so much.

I remember you gave me gifts, who wouldn’t?
On Christmas and my birthday
Rings, stuffed animals and gorgeous art
I don’t know why I accepted those treacherous things

You took me to places; of course I was there
Movies, dinner and festivals, yea I liked that too
I loved it when you won me prizes, like that bear thing
But I don’t know why I kept it. It was yours after all.

Now you’re standing here at my door, it’s cold
Just to ask me to forgive you? Haha!
What’s to forgive you rotten scumbag?
You . . . hurt . . . my feelings.

Sorry? You say you’re sorry now, eh?
So then why did you do it in the first place?
Why did you do it? Tell me! Tell me now!
It’s beginning to rain, I advice you go home.

Keep it quiet, don’t shout, my parents are asleep.
No you can’t come in! It’s ten at night!
Stop begging, you look like a dog. Shoo!
I said I didn’t want you back in my life. Let go!

Now you’re sorry for grabbing my wrist?
Didn’t you hear that sound? I think you broke it. Ah . . .
You are here to apologize for cheating aren’t you?
I don’t accept and you break my wrist?

Is this how people on Mars pay those who don’t accept?
You cheated on me. . . with her! Yes, her!
Yea, you’re only with me because of her!
You’re mad because she broke up with you.

Yeah, I said it. You gonna break my other wrist?
You’re only with me, to get back at her.
Now you want her back while you’re with me.
What do you mean I’m crazy? Look at yourself!

It’s raining so go away. Go home or to her house.
We’ll never talk about this ever again.
Why? You wanna know why? Well . . .
Do you want me to list all the ways?

One, you took my heart, my only one
Two, you took me places, I didn’t complain though
Three, you flirted, cheated and lied to me
Four, you broke my wrist with your own hands

HAHA that’s hilarious, you want to be my slave?
As long as it takes till I forgive you?
Listen boy, nobody lives that long. Nobody.
You’re still there aren’t you? Want me to call 911?

I said go home, away, scram! I mean it!!!

End

Optional Ending:
I said go home, away, scram! I mean it!!!
What? Now you say you're going to kill me?
Fine be my guest, hit me with a twig!
You heard me you cheating weakling!

What are you doing...
No stop!




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I didn't write this about my current boyfriend. I wrote this way back in ..

Well in August of 2004 but it was posting February 2005.

So Colton please dont' take any offence if you saw this becuase it wasn't about you...

Although the similarities between you and the boy who ... em, killed me, are uncanny. And I was the one who ended up... cheating...

Eerie... moving along...




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Wow.

I tried to review that and nitpick it, but it didn't work.

I couldn't take anything from it, or add anything in. All I could say is that you need more punctuation for pausing effects and other things of the like. The stanzas were the same length, the lines were too, and the flow was really good.

I liked how at first you started out telling out about him, and then shaped it up into a kind of narrative poem, or short story. It was really good. I enjoyed it a lot.

Good job.
Gotta a find a woman be good to me,
Who won't hide my liquor, try to serve me tea.




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[quote="ElectricBlueMonkey"]Wow.

I tried to review that and nitpick it, but it didn't work.

I couldn't take anything from it, or add anything in. All I could say is that you need more punctuation for pausing effects and other things of the like. The stanzas were the same length, the lines were too, and the flow was really good.

I liked how at first you started out telling out about him, and then shaped it up into a kind of narrative poem, or short story. It was really good. I enjoyed it a lot.

Good job.[/quote]




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I enjoyed it a lot to nice job.
How can you prove that we exist? Maybe we don't exist...




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Liz wow! That is something that came from your heart...its really meaning full
Support our troops..

Shoutouts:
Liz~ Your so funny
Greg~ Don't change..and I mean that
Alex~ Dude, your great...
Colton~Man you sure are nice see ya




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You're poem is funny. Comical. I like all that stuff about him breaking you're wrist. :)
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