Falling Apart

2 posts
User avatar
Gahks
Gender Male
Points 1564
Reviews 181
Fri May 02, 2008 3:28 pm
Gahks says... · Fri May 02, 2008 3:28 pm
Falling Apart
Things fall apart
so quickly. The vase
that I tried madly
to mend
has broken
once more.

Now I am falling,
falling apart inside.
The pieces of my soul
shatter, splinter
like glass glinting in the sun.

I lie broken, soulless,
in surrender to ruin.
Yet even as I face failure,
my shadow watches, smiles, laughs.
Last edited by Gahks on Fri May 02, 2008 9:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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User avatar
God
Gender Male
Points 1416
Reviews 101
Fri May 02, 2008 4:47 pm
God says... · Fri May 02, 2008 4:47 pm
a little sinister, but good, i wouldnt use soulless, but its your choice. the rhythm is a little choppy, but still OK. nice job overall.
Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive
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2 posts


“A good book isn't written, it's rewritten.”
— Phyllis A. Whitney, Guide to Fiction Writing