Again

We both know the feeling -
Like, lust, love: life.

But what if I told you
When I feel your warm breath upon me
I can’t help but be overcome with chills?

I only have to stop to wonder
If the same thoughts filter through your mind.
You and I lying in each other’s arms
As the golden sun sends pastel pinks across the sky
And cautiously dips below the horizon.

I'm a sucker for love poems. This was pretty good. I especially enjoyed the ending, where you included some imagery; that part was lovely. I can't decide if the first two lines flow with the poem. You don't have to take my advice, but those two lines seem a little on the cliche side, and don't work for me. Maybe you could take them out and make slight changes to the next line. Otherwise, I did enjoy your work. Keep writing.

It was okay. You had a sort-of ryhme thing going on, then dropped it. It could be longer.

I'm, not usually one for love poems, but this one sucked me in quite nicely.

Lovely use of imagery here:

As the golden sun sends pastel pinks across the sky
And cautiously dips below the horizon.

Short and sweet, I liked it.

I used to write love poems before, but I couldn`t express my feelings very well so I started writing my diary... But I can tell that you`re trying hard and it is actually working. I love the ending of the poem... Keep writing

First off, welcome to YWS!

This is beautifully amazing!

The visualization for me was through the roof but the emotion was as well!


I loved the way you began; it gave me a sense of "this is not going to be a mediocre love poem".

My friend, you have LOADS of talent.
I look forward to seeing much, much, much more from you.

The only last thing I would have to say is I think you should work on increasing your vocabulary.

That's always a good thing for writer's to do.

I am unsure of your vocab in real life, (obviously, I dont know you)

but judging from this piece, sometimes it can be simplistic.

But as you grow as a writer, vocab choice becomes so important in not sounding cliche.


I would love to hear from you so please, PM me sometime.

I can help you with anything you want and I would love to do more reviews fromme if you always write this beautifully!


Great!!

10/10!

♥

hhehehe Yay! It's you! Thank you for writing a poem about you and me and our amazing love, my blossom beauty.

lol, no for realz, this is a pretty sweet poem... I don't really know what to say, but I do know that the end was a great kicker. very niiice. miss you, see you soon!