The Point To Silly Dreams

4 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1075
Reviews 344
The colour of your thoughts,
Grows deeper with the ticking days,
And slowly filling hourglass of childhood.

Crayon height marks fade on the wall,
Posters peeling from humid teenage angst,
Bending with the parents of the restless home from
The strain of endless questions to no reply.

The village or town is never smart enough,
For the one in adolescent cynicism,
Nauseated by clichés and teardrops
Landing on tattered trainers and soggy jeans.

Memories which have yet to be tugged,
Of reunions of school friends involving that
Glorified moment. The success.

The horizon of realism and time,
Rule a churning tide of undone
Promises of hard work and saving.
‘Did you think you’d have finished your
First novel by the time you were seventeen?’

You might think they’re worried,
About you taking pills and straying.
The truth is mundanely middle-aged,
Fear takes it forms in college bills

In desperate need of paying.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Oscar Wilde.




Random avatar
Gender Male
Points 1823
Reviews 665
Though I really like this. It's a rant, a verbose rant but still a rant. You should instead not tell us this show it. I love these two stanzas:

The colour of your thoughts,
Grows deeper with the ticking days,
And slowly filling hourglass of childhood.

Crayon height marks fade on the wall,
Posters peeling from humid teenage angst,
Bending with the parents of the restless home from
The strain of endless questions to no reply.


You have an idea, but it's abstract and ranty, you've gotta get us to feel it. Rather than telling us continuelly try and make us feel it.

Overall: You've lots of potential in this, and I would gladly read a rewrite of it. Just think about making this less ranty.

Good luck
VSN
We get off to the rhythm of the trigger and destruction. Fallujah to New Orleans with impunity to kill. We are the hidden fist of the free market.
We are the ink, we are the quill.
[The Ink And The Quill (Be Afraid) - Anti-Flag]




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 270
Good job writing this. I enjoyed reading this very much. Can't wait to read more of your works! :D
Don't send sheep to kill a wolf.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 12
Wow! Your descriptions are amazing!
:D



sometimes you just have to cry over spilled milk, and that is okay
— Youbeaucupid