Some Day I Hope

Some day I hope you find for yourself,
Everything that you want to have in your life,
Is right in front of you, you just have to reach out,
And take hold of whatever it is you want.

Some day I hope you sing to the world,
Your beautiful song of love and friendship,
The way you've sung for me time and time again,
Let everyone know that there are people in this world,
Who still care and know how to be a true friend.

Some day I hope you walk barefoot in the sands,
Of that sunny beach you've always wanted to be at,
With that special somebody that you've always wanted to find,
Hand in hand and worry free with the breeze at your back,
And the sun setting beyond the horizon.

Some day I hope you take a chance to do,
Everything you've ever wanted to do in your life,
See that sun set with your special someone,
Sing that beautiful song to the world,
Create that beautiful dream and make it come true.

Some day I hope we meet again soon,
And laugh at all the memories we have made together,
The times we made each other smile,
When we made each other laugh and cry,
The times we fought over nothing in particular,
And I hope you look at me the same way,
That I will look at you with love in your heart,
That will forever be there and always remain true.

I'm very sorry if this sounds unduly harsh, but I can just about sum up this poem in one word: cliche.

Everything you say here I feel like I've heard 100 times before, and probably have. If you're going to work with ideas like this, you have to be extra careful that you make it fresh and unique. More imagery would definitely help with that.

It's not bad, you're form and rhythm and such like that, but the whole premise, the word choice, it's all terribly cliche.

Again, I'm sorry if this seems very harsh, but that's how I read it, and I hope it was helpful.

Keep writing!


*adna*

Adna shouldn't have to apologize for being harsh, because I think her summary was pretty accurate.

You're a human being, not a robot; why splice together a bunch of Hallmark cards and bad pop songs when you can write in your very own voice? Put this poem away, and write what you think, not what you've absorbed from one-too-many episodes of American Idol and Oprah.

Also: Use punctuation as you would in regular ol' prose writing. Commas at the end of every line are not necessary.

sorry the poem seemed cliche, and for further reference i dont watch american idol or oprah, dont like either of those two shows...i write a lot and most of my poems are way better this was for a friend who was considering suicide, again i'm sorry but i like it and so did my friend.

Now I know why I couldn't aborb the words they were so overdone and boring. You should probably drop cliches and write this in a much more original and true way. Otherwise this poem would be best to show the friend and nothing else. It a pretty worn out topic and the use of the cliches make it more cliche and make it muddy and hard to stay intrested. Hope this helps.

Good luck
VSN