Young Writers Society

Life’s crying in the corner
She’s quite upset today
So many now have lost Her
And thrown Her all away

Life’s drowning in Her sorrow
Abandoned and misused
She tries to give them purpose
But Death’s the One they choose

Life’s soon to be forgotten
As She calls but is not heard
Outdone by Her imposters
Who trick with cunning words

Mediocre in existence
Trading Truth for hearts of ice
They are blind to what could be
And the bitter pleas of Life

Life’s crying in the corner…
Wishing to be lived
But no one seems to heed Her
And all She has to give

Life’s crying in the corner…
Wishing I would come
But I don’t know how to reach Her
I’ve lived another one

Life’s crying in the corner…
She’s quite upset today
So many now have lost Her
And wasted Life away

I felt bad that this hasn't been critiqued at all, so I thought I'd look at it.

My overall impression is...it's okay. Not terrible, but there's nothing in it that stands out. I think the subject matter was too broad. Life? How on earth can you show me everything about life and death in a few lines? Um...you can't. Narrow your focus so you can show us something more interesting. Maybe a person wasting his/her life away, for example, or a method used to waste lives away, or just drop the subject entirely and write about your couch or something.

Next time, narrow your subject so the reader can actually get into the poem. Keep writing!

Yeh... great more angst ridding poetry. This is too cliche and broad a topic as nite says. You also use a very cliched theme and wording. The whole idea is cliche. You tell us all this but not showing. It's an angst ridding telling peice that falls over because of this. You need to use langauge techniques to show everything, but you don't excute the use correctly. Overall: This is quite weak and affectively bores and the topic overdone but a large percent.

Good luck
VSN

This poem was okay like every one said. Anyway, welcome to YWS and I hope to read more of your works.

Actually, i disagree with all of the above. I think that the poem kept to it's rhythm really well - which is, in my mind, an essential aspect of poetry (if it has no rhythm, it's hardly different from an ordinary paragraph,) - and you had loads of wonderful lines in there that i loved to read.
i also think that although the above have said it's cliche, in reality, Life is a big topic with many posibilities and angles for writing and you have aproached it with originality!

Woohoo!