The Judgement

This madness has gone too far,
blackened and dead with fear.
The cloak of silence is thrown,
the time of judgement quite near.
And all shall reap what they've sown,
and all shall pay their debt.
Believe me its gone too far,
they shall taste the bitter regret.

way for nobody to reply! great job. i didnt think it was THAT bad. oh well, maybe no one was onnline then?

I'm online! This was an okay poem. Keep up the good work!

God wrote:This madness has gone too far,
blackened and dead with fear.
The cloak of silence is thrown,
the time of judgement quite near.
And all shall reap what they've sown,
and all shall pay for their debt.
Believe me its gone too far,
they shall taste the bitter regret.

This seems to me it's too small a poem for the idea, you have such a potential idea with great imagery. Maybe cut some lines out and make the remainder stanzas. This has great overwhelming potential and it interests me but it too small for all that's inside it.

Overall: Rewrite this and add more and pm me. I'll read it. You've a great idea now expand on it. Show it.

Good luck
VSN

I'd like to revisit what Vernon said. You're trying to fit Texas into Rhode Island and it's not working.

This madness has gone too far,

blackened and dead with fear.

The cloak of silence is thrown,

the time of judgement quite near.

I think that the problem with this is that you didn't quite explain what the madness was? I can guess what you mean, but it's nice to have some concrete feelings. Where is the cloak of silence thrown? You need to extend certain metaphors, that included. Otherwise, I rather like the rhythm and rhyme in this stanza.

And all shall reap what they've sown,

and all shall pay for their debt.

Believe me its gone too far,

they shall taste the bitter regret.

"Reap what they sow" is a rather used phrase, don't you think? It would be nice to find a new one. You also need to use an apostrophe -- it's -- and "pay for their debt". That seems a little awkward. "and all shall pay twice their debt" flows a little better, and is a little more dramatic.
In the last line, the repetition of "shall" is also a bit strange...consider changing the second to "will". Also, what is "believe me, it's gone too far"? What is "it's" referring to? Clarity!

And that's all I have to say on this subject.

If you're ever short of a good poem review, feel free to PM me.

Cheers!
~Sumi