Buddy, Shut Up!

So, yeah, I'm just addicted to writing. So, I WILL review other's peoples work, but this, idea just popped into my head, and I had to put it on here as soon as possible. Hope you all enjoy.

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"Just write the damn story, Jack!"

Every minute, of every hour of every day. He yells at me.

"I'm sorry, Buddy, but I'm trying as hard as I can. Have you ever tried writing before? It's not easy work."

"I don't care how not easy it is. Just finish the damn story."

Why does Buddy live here? Worst decision I ever made.

Yes. It was my decision to have Buddy live here.

I saw Buddy, lying on the side of the street. Cold,lonely, sad. I'm one of those caring type people, you know. But, little did I know, this guy turns out to be a mooching bastard.

So, I feed this guy, and I take care of him. And he's grateful and such. Then he finds out I'm a writer.

He gets this preconceived idea that I have to be writing all the time.

ALL the FREAKING TIME!!!

So I sit at my type writer, and he sits behind me saying, "Write the story Jack."

"Write the story Jack."

"Write the story Jack."

"Write the story."

"Write the story."

"Write the story."

"Write the story."

"WRITE."

"WRITE."

"WRITE."

"WRITE."

Every day. It gets on my nerves. So one day.

I finally snap.

"Write."

"Write."

"Write."

"Write."

"Wri.."

"BUDDY, SHUT THE FUCK UP!."

Now Buddy is all frightened, and he whimpers into a corner, like some pathetic animal.

"Aww, don't worry, don't be sad."

Great. Now I feel bad.

I go over to my pantry, and pull out his favorite snack.
"You want some, Buddy?"

He nods affirmatively.

"That's right, who's a good boy?"

He eats the snack. He is happy. Shit-balls.

"So, you gonna finish the story Jack?"

"Sure Buddy. I'll finish the story."

I go back to my computer. He sits behind me. The process resumes.

"Write."

"Write."

"Write."

"Write."

'Man's Best Friend' my ass.

Hilarious! It may be short, but the style is really funny.
I was laughing at the end, the way the process just begins again, and so on. 'S really great!

Let's see... is there anything to critique?

Well, unless it's purposefully meant to be a period-happy story, then you might want to merge a few sentences. Here, I'll give you an example:

Every day. It gets on my nerves. So one day.

I finally snap.

Maybe you could try it more like this: "Every day. It gets on my nerves. So one day, I finally snap..."

But if it is meant to be so '. . . .' then just ignore that little critique.

Good luck, keep writing!
-Sela

'Lo. ^_^

You have some more than amusing dialogue--the exchange, in its repetition, is hilarious. That said, you've also some technical inconsistencies that distract the reader.

VERB TENSE

Er, don't change it, da? Not in the middle of a piece; definitely not in the middle of a sentence. If you've begun in the past tense (he "saw" etc.) stick to it.

I saw Buddy, lying on the side of the street. Cold,lonely, sad. I'm one of those caring type people, you know. But, little did I know, this guy turns out to be a mooching bastard.

In the above, you jump from past tense ('I saw Buddy[...]'] to present ('this guy turns[...]'). Hold on to one. If you'd like it in present, make the entire piece present tense. ^_^

FRAGMENTS

Fragments, naturally, are more often problematic in prose--rather more than they are helpful. But in this case, they fit neatly with the casual, vernacular tone and first-person narrative. ^_^

So, I feed this guy, and I take care of him. And he's grateful and such. Then he finds out I'm a writer.

He gets this preconceived idea that I have to be writing all the time.

ALL the FREAKING TIME!!!

So I sit at my type writer, and he sits behind me saying, "Write the story Jack."

As in the above--fragments and short sentences honestly give the narrator his voice. And I can hear it, which means the fellow seems real.

(Though you will want a comma after 'story' before 'Jack'.)



In the end, 'twas entertaining. You might, perhaps, expand it--there seems room for the characters to be developed beyond this interlude of hilarity. In fact, the idea of taking in an arbitrary fellow, having him find out about your writerly escapades and bother you endlessly could go a ways. ^_^

Final note: Rate your piece. You have some rotten language in this--and anything using 'F---' should be rated "R".


[courtesy of the Cabassi]



IMP

Wow! I love the fact that you never actually state that Buddy is a dog! It makes it much more intriguing to read as you slowly figure it out. The progression is smooth and it keeps me attatched! Great work!

I love a story that makes me laugh out loud, and this one did! It was funny thinking, why does he let some dude live with him who yells at him? And what kind of person feeds his roomate treats? And then, finding out Buddy was a dog; it was priceless. It made me laugh not only at Jack, but at myself and that is a wonderful thing.

The format is good, it keeps the story flowing in a way that sometimes paragraphs can't.

There were only a few punctuation errors I saw, for one, Sure Buddy should have a comma between the Sure and the Buddy. (Sure, Buddy.)

ALL the FREAKING TIME!!!

This sentence would have more impact if you said All the FREAKING time!!!, but it's kind of a matter or personal preference.

I really liked this story because it was so flowing and so funny with a surprise ending. You did good to keep it simple, with limited backstory, etc. Keep writing!

Yes! Awesome! Hilarious! My family was over my shoulder at the time I read it and they started laughing. One thing though that I agree with Moving Forward...you do put to much enphasis on

ALL the FREAKING TIME!!

Other than that I really liked it! It was Punny!


Great, Awesome, Funny!
~Lulu

Now this story is funny. It made me smile, and that's must mean it's a very good story. I loved how you project Buddy as almost human until you add the twist that he was a dog! Classic. There's no complaints from me for this peice( of course, I almost never complain about other peoples work)

I mega hate that this made me laugh so bad. You once again have not disappointed me.

Grawr.

Review, my ass.

=)))

This has been and always will be: Jace The Chase and The Godbreathed Vampire.