Run, Fat Boy, Run! Day 1

Wow. Excellent, like always, and very risky. One of those high school stories that just rips your heart out with the truth of it. You certainly have a talent for getting inside your character's head and pulling the reader along with you. Keep it up.

Hey, BBB!

I just got a random feeling I should read this. And here I am.

I can’t remember a day when I wasn’t four sizes bigger than anyone. Heck, even in kindergarten I was wearing third grader clothes.

This is good, but I think you should nix the "heck". This may sound stupid, but to me it sounds like the MC is saying it only because it sounds so "cool", not because it should really be there. I just don't feel that it's so necessary there.

to loose weight

The verb "lose" has only one O. "Loose" is a different thing.

It was rather gross, but hey, I get used to it.

It should be, I think, "I got used to it" or "I've gotten to used it" or "I'd gotten used to it". Basically anything but "I get...".

They were laughing at my body

This sounds funny. Why not "laughing at me"?


Other than these minimal nit-picks, this is funny and captivating, and I'm definitely going to read more! Good job!


Demeter xx

I really expected this story to be a stereotype. Well done! You were able to inject

personality and denial into your character! That's a real significant sign of a good

writer! You have no idea how annoying it is reading the same stuff over and over again,

with simple stereotypes and simple language. This is really great! Sure, it's a little

easier to inject personality into journal entries, because you can state how they feel

instead of using character actions in the second person to show personality. Good job!

In that one meal, I ate more than half of that.
That was actually a little less than half if you add the soda too.


Honestly, the name made me look at this because that's pretty much my favorite movie, and I thought it might have something to do with it.

I really liked it, though. I liked how you made the reader really feel his insecurity.

tugging at my shirt so it wouldn’t cling desperately to my fat.

That was really relateable. I don't know why, but I liked that line.

I really like the idea for this. Good job, keep it up.

I really like how you wrote this for two reasons:

1) I am an overweight person and you pretty much mailed it on the head how someone like that would feel. I HATE gym because I know what kids are saying. I've been a big kid all of my life, and I've learned to live with it, but like I say, you nailed the emotions right on the head.


2) I really like how you described the emotions that he felt without going into too much detail to make it boring.


Keep writing