Done

Deleted

your icon is barfing up a rainbow.

my life will never be the same.

as for the poem, i liked being forced to imagine having to kill someone i loved. very gruesome. nothing very new in the world of poetry, but still good.

oh, and support whoever you want for president, as long as it's NOT hillary clinton!

of course, YWS isn't really the place for politics...sorry if i'm breaking the rules, guys!

I think it should have been a bit longer - it stops abrubtly.

"Her body was broken and she laid on the floor broken..." - doesn't sound that good since there are two "broken"'s in a row.

Other than that, pretty nice job.

Best wishes,
Demeter

Very dramatic, but nicely done!

I have nothing to say, but can I print this?

I love this poem!!! When you said the line "wishing I was her Last Resort", it reminded me of one of my favorite songs by Papa Roach! Guess what's it's called?

CHORUS

Last Resort
Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort,
Suffocation no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

This is my last resort

Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort,
Suffocation no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die pleading
Would it be wrong, would it be right
If I took my life tonight,
Chances are that I might
Mudilation outa sight
and I'm contimplating suicide

CHORUS:
'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying

I never realized I was spread too thin
Till it was too late and I was empty within
Hungry, feeding on my chaos and living in sin
Downward spiral, where do i begin
It all started when i lost my mother
No love for myself and no love for another
Searching to find a love upon a higher level
finding nothing but QUESTIONS AND DEVILS

CHORUS

I can't go on living this way
Repeat First Verse


Anyway, love the poem and keep it up girl!

this poem painted a detailed description of the set without being abrupt - it was very subtle, which is a handy skill to have as a writer. This poem was incredible - it was emotional. You could tell both your feelings towards her and her feelings towards you. The emotion made it very real, and very passionate.

If you want something to work on for another poem, I would suggest a few changes:

"broken and she laid on the floor broken" - Could you have used something other then broken? Wounded, maybe? explore.

However, the repition can also help in a poem, depending on context...
"wishing I was not her Last Resort.
Wishing I had not been subjected. "
It's emphasizing, and it's after a line break, and after a seperate point has been made, making it feel like you are showing how much she is wishing it.

Overall, this is an incredible poem. Keep writing!

Her body was broken and she laid on the floor broken and desperate
Her body was crushed and she laid on the floor broken and desperate

I'd have to say it looks weird to use one word in a sentence twice, espesialy the way uou used broken. That's just what I thought.

Any way I thought that was kinda sad and it sounds like the Million dollar baby.

Please, for all people posting things, noy only in this forum, but please, please capitilize ALL your sentences at the berginnings.
That goes the same for your "i"s too.

Just a little reminder from shanan-cat!