Just a dream

Oh if the world were just a dream,
Would you be happy when you woke?
And if your life were just the same,
What would you do when you found out?

I walk away;
I face the colors of a brand new day.
And you don't know;
You don't know how I feel about you,
You don't know how your smile makes me shine.

And I know.
I know the world is just one big lie,
And its dripping,
Its dripping off the face of a never-ending sky.

Oh I wonder what you see,
When you look into the mirror,
And I wonder what you'd do,
If you knew that the mirror was the real you...

I walk away;
I face the colors of a brand new day.
And you don't know;
You don't know how I feel about you,
You don't know how your smile makes me shine.

Behold the world,
Behold it in the state its in.
And behold peace;
Peace is the world in its purest state.
And if you cry now,
Cry now for peace.
And if you look up,
Look up at me smiling at you.
And smile for peace.
And smile for me.

And remember,
That it was just a dream.
A dream for the world,
A dream for peace.
A dream for you and a dream...

For me.

Hi there,

I haven't got all that much time, but I thought I'd give you a quick review since nobody else has yet.

For a first song this is definetly not bad. It's not Emo, not flat out cliché either, but actually quite neat.

There are some problems though:

Firstly the different parts of your song seem somewhat disconnected.
I can't seem to find the link between your chorous and the rest of the song. Plus the peace thing seems to come a bit out of nowhere and take up a whole lot of space.

An important key to writing a good song is to know exactly what you want to say and make that point. I love some of your phylosophical hypothesis, but sad enough you're not really taking it anywhere. What makes these questions important to think about? Why should people bother with them? Find that out and then spit it in their faces together with the questions!
In a song you have to get in and out in four minutes. If you subtract the instrumental parts you have about two to three minutes left for the lyrics. Make every word count.

(Tipp: It helps to just write the song you have in mind and then cross out the things that don't seem as important and replace them with meaning.)

Haha, sorry I got going...

Make sure you don't start writing about one thing and end up writing about another. (I think you got a little side-tracked on the peace-thing, make it shorter maybe?, then I think it could work out very nicely.)

My first suggestion is to get straight what this is about and kick out the parts that don't contribute anything or not enough to your message.

I'd really like to see where you'll go with this. You're off to a good start!

If you decide to make something of my suggestions, have any questions or would like some more help (hope this is some) then just drop me a message and I'll be glad to take a look at what you've come up with

Happy songwriting!!

~Kalliope

I love this song! It's really sweeta nd wonderful! I love the meaning behind it. I like how it flows. it was well written. I really like it. Can't wait to read more!