Feral Train Cat

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Feral Train Cat

In the distance, we both heard it. The whistle blew. Her wide pupils darted about anxiously for a moment. Then her head bent down to my ear as she began to count the seconds passing until the train came.

“One, one-thousand, two, one-thousand, three, one-thousand,” she said.

Her animal eyes made me go wild.

“Four, one-thousand, five, one-thousand, six, one-thousand.”

Her slight nose had disappeared from her face, leaving only two slits of nostril, and her mouth was now a simple line and shadow when she spoke.

“Seven, one-thousand, eight, one-thousand, nine, one-thousand,” she counted.

Her pale skin seemed to glow blue in the night’s light. Her eyes showing the only sparkle of white as they glowed at me, her dark pupils still wide and wild in the low light.

“Ten, one-thousand, eleven, one-thousand, twelve, one-thousand.”

Her nostrils blew hot air at me, and her mouth twitched into a grin. She shifted her body.

The train blew its whistle twice. It was closer now. My adrenaline was released and rushing through my veins like a pack of wild dogs, wanting, needing to hunt this cat.

“Fifteen, one-thousand, sixteen, one-thousand, seventeen, one-thousand.”

Her low, sultry, cat-like voice taunted me. I stretched my neck out. My head couldn’t take it.

“Twenty, one-thousand.”

I rolled over her. The train blew its whistle, a constant note this time. It came closer and closer as my wild instincts set my body ablaze.

She stretched her neck back and her mouth opened wide like a wild cat about to devour its prey. Whether she made any sound, I do not know. The train whistle’s extended note passed by us and our little abandoned boxcar shook. For many long minutes, the train cars rumbled past us until finally, my breath slowed, and the wildness left her eyes.

There, she curled up, kitten-like, and fell asleep. I listened to the rumble of the retreating train until all I could hear was her even breath, in and out. I watched her graceful outline sleep, knowing that all was right for at least that night in our secret boxcar by the tracks.




Sorry it's so short. ^^ I left things vauge on purpose. I like my readers to be able to interpret things how they will. I hope you enjoyed it!

~Yoyo 8)
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this is interesting- but it leaved many questions. Why is the cat counting? Why are they by the train. are they waiting for someone? are they lost? Who?are they going to go on the train?




I'm interested. PM me if you decide to continue this ^_^
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You said you'd like things to be vague. But, honestly, this was just a bit too vague. That wouldn't have been the case if you're planning on writing a novel and you're using this as a prologue. But as a stand-alone story, it just doesn't work.

I found one mistake.

There, she curled up, kitten-like, and fell asleep. I listened to the rumble of the retreating train until all I could hear was her even breathing, in and out.


Still, it was a nice story. It just lacked answers.
They tell me I'm a lazy lump of waste.

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I liked the purpose of the story, but I'm a little confused.
Why is the cat counting by one-thosands?
No where to run...baby let's hide. Take her in your arms on a chilling winter's night. Watch the stars twinkle and glisten. Know that you've found the one person that will listen. ~*(ME)*~




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I hate to repeat things, but I found this puzzling. I didn't say vague - I don't have a problem with that in this piece - but we need to know, as readers, the purpose of some events. Why is she counting? Why does the MC restrain himself? What is the purpose of this very piece?

Vague is okay, but confusion is always a negative. Sometimes answers are needed. In this case, I feel they are.




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woah...i've heard of puppy love...but never kitten love! :lol:
Am I a one eyed hunter of unicorns or a hunter of one eyed unicorns? The world may never know.




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This shows skilled writing, but it makes no sense. What is with the train? What is with this counting cat-woman? Readers have no idea what you are talking about in this story. You need to develop it into a viable story, because you do ahve good writing skills.
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