Only me

Theres an old man in the mirror
And he sees me there
He sees me there
But he doesn't look
His eyes are closed
And in his hands he holds
Who I could be
Like a wind up toy
Wound too far
I crack and the old man folds
But the game's not over
Until someone can't breathe
So I choke him until he sees
It could only be me
Only be me

arianamw@gmail.com wrote:There's an old man in the mirror
And he sees me there
[s]He sees me there[/s]
But he doesn't look
His eyes are closed
And in his hands he holds
Who I could be
Like a wind up toy
Wound too far
I crack and the old man folds
But the game's not over
Until someone can't breathe
So I choke him until he sees
It could only be me
[s]Only be me[/s]

This poem makes no sense whatsoever. In fact, I can hardly call it a poem at all. The MC is you, and what is happening to you? You are being held by a man who doesn't see you? Develop a central theme of a poem before writing it, making sure your ideas are clear so that at least the elements of what you are trying to get across does get across. Don't use words, use language, use diction. Express yourself in a poetic manner.

I suggest reading your work aloud to someone you know will give you an honest opinion. Try reading more poetry, and if you like narratives, try Caroll, Poe, etc.

Good luck!
-Medusa.