Painting Memories (Poem)

I used to have a memory like a picture in my mind.
An artists painting of the family and friends I left behind,
But now the picture is starting to fade.
All the once brilliant colors becoming the same dark shade.
The colors of my memory once sparkled like a crystal light fixture.
Perhaps I should go back and paint a new picture.

zeppy♥yozora wrote:I used to have a memory like a picture in my mind,
an artist's painting of the family and friends I left behind.
But now the picture is starting to fade.
All the once brilliant colors are becoming the same dark shade.
The colors of my memory once sparkled like a crystal light fixture.
Perhaps I should go back and paint a new picture.

A few grammer pricks. Overall, not bad, but not good. It's dry. It lacks a bit of spice. The repetition of "picture" is not necessary. In this case, I'd say it's a poem of all tell no show. Try this:

I used to have a memory like a picture in my mind
to
I once had a memory, a potrait, a landscape of the mind

Try elaboration, intricate details. Read alot of peotry and pick up neat phrases and cool words. Work, work, work.

Good luck!
Medusa.

It is beautiful...

Wow, it's great. I loved it. It kind of shocked me... Medusa mentioned the only mistakes I saw. very good job.
Keep writing!

~Rachael

I love it