Dejection

19 posts1, 2
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Gender None specified
Points 8413
Reviews 816
The thing is, for a poem about emotion, there are absolutely no emotional qualities to it. You see the after effects of the emotion --hatred, jokes, crying, etc. -- but there is nothing emotional to set those things off. Better would by the feeling behind being hated or not smiling. Description and looking at the root of what you're writing about is the way to go. Think a little more on the idea of dejection. I like looking up definitions and synonyms and seeing if they match what I think the word means. Maybe this will help?

In terms of the form, don't let the structure take over the content. It devalues what you're trying to say. As such, bolding the first letter of each line to call attention to the acrostic is unnecessary, and the space between each line makes each line seem even more disconnected to what's around it.




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 30
Seems to Emo to me, like you tried to hard. And I would just start over from scratch, that would be easier than trying to fix what you messed up on. You need more flesh, more information.
Apartment 37 where flying cell phones, and burnt frying pans are the norm.

"Tinks a disneyCENSOR"




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Gender Male
Points 1040
Reviews 19
As i have said before, more than twice now, if anybody will listen to me, this is a poem I wrote a year ago in school, so I don't need to start from stratch or anything as this poem was restricted to an acrostic.

Will anyone listen to me???
"My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre and that I am therefore excused from saving universes."




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Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 31
It's alright, not exactly mind blowing but it doesn't disgrace poetry, some bits were actually quite good.



Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
— Albert Einstein