Mandala

Mandala

Mandala;
your repeated patterns,
round and never ending.
Many soothing colors
in kaleidoscope ways,
keeps the eyes moving along,
meandering a path
through your middle,
letting you invade
and control our minds.
But just for a moment,
as we are calmed by you
allowed to think deeper;
to peek at a tiny glimpse
of the great
spiritual worlds
you can reveal.






I have been struck by brilliance. Muahaha! Written about five minutes ago. For those of you who don't know what a mandala is, I link you to Wiki! Mandala Enjoy!

~Yoyo

Hmm...I love mandalas. A big part of my spiritual Zen Buddhist aura.

As for the poem:

be wary of excessive -ing words.

Mandala;
your repeated patterns,
round and never ending.
Many soothing colors
in kalaidascope ways,
keeps the eyes moving along,
meandering a path
through your middle,
letting you invade
and control our minds.
But just for a moment,
as we are calmed by you
allowed to think deeper;
to peek at a tiny glimpse
of the great
spritual worlds
you can reveal.

Too many verbs can clutter a peice.

I love the last few lines, the peek into a great many worlds appeals to me. Overall, a pretty simplistic although well written peice. Bravo.

Medusa.

I enjoyed that poem, well done!

Like Medusa said, be careful of excessive -ing verbs. In terms of portrayal, and iagery I thought it wasn't bad, but I felt the theme a bit lacking. Now I re-read it, I see a bit more interesting and a super ending also.

in kalaidascope ways,

I struggled over that a lot. I believe it is 'kaleidoscope' but a little to long and not many people will know what it means. I would recommend finding anew way to incorporate this.

Not bad though! Short and sweet, like a like it

Keep writing!

-Mark