It's Time.

Let's leave, let's leave,
in the silence of the night.
The moon is in bloom
and the bristling bats call,
let's leave, let's leave,
the night is ours once more.

Yaaaay! Thanks sooo much! It's gorgeous! *wishes she could give it ten stars* ^_^ You're awesome! *huggle*

~Yoyo

If we could give it ten stars, it would deserve it. Is it possible to overuse the word awesome? I'd sooooo overuse it on you!

Loves:)


*adna*

Tis intresting, I don't understand, but tis is intresting. I can't really say more, the shortness works, the word choice works. It's exellently written. Still, I don't understand it.. :s. Oh well... sorry this isn't helpful.

Good luck
Vernon

The lines "The moon is in bloom / and the bristling bats call" are what make this poem, simply for their sounds, but the rest of it is lacking. I didn't like "let's leave, let's leave" being repeated. I think you're lacking an ending. Or more than that, you're lacking anything past some pretty sounds -- I'm not sure what you're trying to say in this but it's not getting through to me.

My advice: expand!

Konnichiwa.

I would like to start off by saying that the repetition in this really works. I especially like how it is repeated at the beginning and at the end. That being said, I didn't like the middle very much. I do like how you basically compared the moon to a flower by using bloom, but the don't like the line:

and the bristling bats call,

I don't know why...but it seems like you're talking about the surrounding night's characteristics and then you add the bats in. Maybe the "bristling" threw me off...

Anyway, I think that you can make this longer and expand as Jack said. I think making this longer would deepen the effect and enhance the imagery of it.

Keep on writing,
~Timea

It was okay. I guess that I have to read it again because everyone says it was great, but I don't see it. I'm I going blind???????!!!!!!!!!!!

Short and sweet, love. I agree with Firestarter in regards to the repetition of "let's leave," but you have great word images and even a little alliteration, which makes bird happy!

I like this although I am not too sure why.

I think it is the repition that does it for me personally, plus the way you have used your words into the short poem.

I agree with everyone else though in the fact that that let's leave let's leave doesnt seem wuite right.

However it is a great poem

Keep it up!

Lol. When I saw the title "It's time" I thought it was about someone going into labour. Sorry but OMG I feel really stupid. I liked it though. .

Oh, thank you all for the comments! I'm always forgetting I've posted things now. >< Uni. Grah.

Well, I'll take all comments on board, and work on this as soon as I can. ^^

Thank you once again! You all rock.

*Hearts* Le Penguin.

This is a really nice poem, but I do believe you could expand upon it and make it even better.

What I saw here was very creative and awesome though.