The truth about celebrity.

Any constructive criticism is welcomed..



Media hype and zero anonymity
Is what makes a celebrity.
Talent is a plus,
But not a must.
So much for originality.

Journalists fight then the papers claim;
There's a dark side behind the name.
So why all the fuss?
It's all too rough.
So much for 15 minutes of fame.

Rehab visits and friends in jail.
The whole story's told in The Daily Mail.
One stupid mistake,
That the world can't take.
So much for being told "you can't fail".

Drunken nights out and papparazzi snaps -
You only wanted to relax.
You'll hide your face
And feel like a disgrace.
So much for living life to the max.

JustMe. wrote:Any constructive criticism is welcomed..



Media hype and fans galore
Is what makes a celebrity
Talent is a plus
But not a must
So much for originality

Journalists fight then the papers lie
There's a dark side behind it all
So why all the fuss
It's all too rough
So much for 15 minutes of fame

Drunken nights out and papparazzi photos
All you wanted was some fun
You'll hide your face
And feel a disgrace
So much for the good life

Welcome to YWS. I'm Rick. I hope you enjoy the site as much as we all do. After you get 25 reviews, you can access the YWS chatroom and talk about any work you're doing, ask for crits for anything, ask anyone if they have something they want/need critted, and/or just hang out in and talk about your day. Before you post your own work, you need atleast two crits. So, go crit some people's work before posting anymore of your piece. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions/concerns about anything.

Bye.

-Rick.

I liked how you described the stressful life of a celeberty. This is really good. The rhythm is pretty good. Try to add more details and extend this piece. I hope this helps!

-Rick.

First off, welcome to YWS! Just for the record, we ask that you review at least two pieces before posting one of your own, so do four reviews before posting something else.

Secondly, I'm confused because some lines rhyme and others do not. It has a rhyme-y rhythm, yet not all the lines rhyme. Either don't rhyme and change the rhythm (my recommendation) or rhyme AABBA, since the stanzas look like AABBA limericks.

Thirdly, I would've liked a little more expansion as well. Show the journalists fighting, the tabloid's bogus headlines, the flashbulbs in the celebrity's face, etc.

Stay consistent in the rhyme department and add more details and you're on your way to a great poem. Keep writing!

Sorry about not reviewing others work first; I'm making a start on that now..

I've edited it to try and rework the rhythm/rhyme, but now there are some lines that I don't like and can't work how to better them.

Can anyone help me with the very first line?
I need a rhyming word, and I really don't think "diversity" fits..

Thanks..

The poem is very good.
I admire your unique style.
Also.. i particularly like the 2nd and 3rd verses and the last line was a good finish to the poem.
Well-written.
*Thumbs up* =D

JustMe. wrote:Any constructive criticism is welcomed..



Media hype and fans diversity
Is what makes a celebrity
Talent is a plus
But not a must
So much for originality

Journalists fight then the papers claim
There's a dark side behind the name
So why all the fuss
It's all too rough
So much for 15 minutes of fame

Rehab visits and friends in jail
The whole story's told in The Daily Mail
One stupid mistake
That the world can't take
So much for being told "you can't fail"

Drunken nights out and papparazzi snaps
You only wanted to relax
You'll hide your face
And feel a disgrace
So much for living life to the max

Right first things first. Punctuation is a must! Read the poem out loud and punctuate where necessary. Next this is too preachy. I'd be a hypocrite if I said I've not done a poem like this. If you preach try to hit the heart or mind. Not tell us. Show us. I didn't like the repition of so much. It destracts from the peice. Overall you should start over, get feeling within. Don't preach to a choir until you hit the hearts and mind.

Overall: It's rather unoriginal, many people done the same thing... and no offence, but a lot better. I recommend just reviewing for a while and reading some writing articles they can be found in the knowledge base.

Click here

If you wanna try this again. I'd reckon you should it less preachy in some respect and try and hit us from the heart and minds. Let us think and emotional.

Good luck
VSN

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Listening to: Autopilot Off - Generator(Bad Religion Cover)
via FoxyTunes

well...i think they just about said it all. i have no complaints? just for the record...are you talking about Britney Spears? hehehe Welcome to YWS!

oh and im Jennie by the way.

Hello...lol. Sorry, jus thought it would be fun to be like... Hellloooo. But i didnt think you'd appreciate that.
First I'd like to say, Not all poems have to rhyme, its ay-ok if not everything fits together. Sure its harder to get flow down but I'm not sure i would change parts that you feel need to be there to get it to rhyme. And i dont know if thats great advice, its just what i go by. Probably not saying much..haha.
I like the poem though, alot. It is the life of a celebrity now-a-days and its good to get people to see that their life isnt as golden as it may look from the bottom.

Good poem. It seems like you really knew what you were talking about. Mostly every thing that needs to be said has been said, but there was this one line:

JustMe. wrote:Journalists fight then the papers claim

Hmm maybe you should explain why the journalists are fighting?
Other than that, great poem! =]

Good poem.

I disagree with some of the above about making it more emotional and less preachy. The way you have approached it is down-to-earth and material. I think thats what makes it so good.

It's great to see a poem that rhymes! I'm excited. I thought I was the only one left...
The rhyming pattern is unique and flowing.

Really good job

Peace V

Have added punctuation, plus editted a few more bits.
I'm really unsure on the first stanza; but don't know how it can be bettered?

Nice poem. I didn't find it too preachy though I think add more imagery and emotion to this piece. If rhyming the poem is causing a hindrance in anyway for you to get the message down clearly and at it's best that I suggest to drop the rhyming scheme.

One stupid mistake

-I liked this verse as lot. It usually is one stupid mistake that the media catches and get stuck with, repeating it again and again in tabloids, websites, news, you name it.
I liked the overall message of this poem a lot. God job.

Yes, I disagree--this poem was perfect the way it is! You don't need to change the rhyming around or anything! It had a nice flow, a nice rhythm, and it rang true. It's a coincidence that my friend I were just talking about this topic, no?

I only found one little thing I want to nitpick at, however...

And feel a disgrace.

Shouldn't it be "And feel like a disgrace"? I thought that would sound much better. That little part messed up the rhythm, but it definately picked itself back up after that line.

Hey there!

I liked your poem. What's inside is true. Very true in fact. I like people who writes the truth. And you are one of them. Yay!

And you have rhyming! Yay! I love rhyming! Another point!

I don't see anything wrong in the poem.

Great job, great poem!

Peace man,
Casey the AWESOME