The Last Black Horse

Over hill and over dale,
Through the tempest, wild gale,
The last black horse raced alone
Chased by the man, face so pale.

The night clung heavy, and cold,
Rain, wind, lightning; thunder rolled,
Mane flew, coat as deep blue roan,
Still stalked by the man so bold.

The cliffs loomed up, so deadly,
Unsuspecting, but stead’ly.
The black horse slowed; he had known,
The man knew not, an’ went read’ly.

If by any chance you've seen this poem on here before,
it might be because I wrote it a few years ago
and I can not remember if I posted it on here.
It has been edited and changed enough though.
My previous YWS name was wildlove100% btw.

Great piece of work.

The narration is smooth and your well chosen word conjure up an interesting atmosphere.

ink_on_fire wrote:Over hill and over dale,
Through the tempest, wild gale,
The last black horse raced alone
Chased by the man, face so pale.

The night clung heavy, and cold,
Rain, wind, lightning; thunder rolled,
Mane flew, coat as deep blue roan,
Still stalked by the man so bold.

The cliffs loomed up, so deadly,
Unsuspecting, but stead’ly.
The black horse slowed; he had known,
The man knew not, an’ went read’ly.

This is really good. I like your rhythm, rhyming and the flow. I do have to point out a couple of things.

The cliffs loomed up, so deadly,
Unsuspecting, but stead’ly.
The black horse slowed; he had known,
The man knew not, an’ went read’ly.

Both "stead'ly" and "read'ly" are not words. Try to find words to replace them.

Other than that, good job. Keep up the good work.

-Rick.

That was rather interesting
It really cathches your attention
Keep up the good work!

I must say, a well written and thought out poem.

In a few areas, there seemed to be some rhythm issues, but those were far and few between.

If you could direct me to the original poem, I would like to see the difference between the two.

Good luck, and keep p the writing


-Pros

Hi,
I must say that this is a very nice piece. Just a few small suggestions.

Chased by the man, face so pale.

"face so pale", sounds a bit strange to me but I'm not sure how you would want to reword this. I would suggest "his face so pale" but then is messes up the rhythm you have set.

Mane flew, coat as deep blue roan,

Possibly try: Mane flew, coat a deep blue roan

I didn't see anything wrong with the rhythm. I thing that using stead’ly and read’ly works well with this piece and is okay to use since it's basically just a difference in pronunciation. Great job !

-Falcon

Over hill and over dale,
Through the tempest, wild gale,
The last black horse raced alone
Chased by the man, face so pale

really liked this part!!