the Apocalypse

And many came to glimpse the fall
and the horror spread through one and all
their eyes were covered so they'd not see
the pain that visited me and thee
And long they waited for the end
For death their souls to send
And the fiery angels up on high
Knew that Apocalypse was nigh

Hey

I get to be your first review! Yeah me!

Okay, back to reviewing, I liked this one better than the last one I read

I don't know. It's all description with me. I have to imagine what is going on or I loose interest pretty quickly (this is the effects of a short attention span )

Anway, back to your poem. I though this was good. I mean, you had all the write elements a poem should have and you described a picture this time, which I liked.

The only thing I found was that this line in your poem was a little awkward to me:

And long they waited for the end

I prefer: Long they waited for the end to come

This seems to flow better with the poem above ^^^^ but that's just my opinion!

Keep Writing!

And many came to glimpse the fall
and the horror spread through one and all
their eyes were covered so they'd not see
the pain that visited them that day -- 'Day' spoils the rhyme scheme. I know sometimes an imperfect rhyme is still as effective, but in this case, unfortunately it doesn't work
And long they waited for the end
For death their souls to send
And the fiery angels up on high
Knew then that Apocalypse was nigh


Very interesting... and you know, I rather like it after all:) It kind of took me off-guard at first. I don't know why, but it's good.

It desperately needs some punctuation, though. Periods especially. Also, your capitalization is erratic for the first words in each line.
I like your rhythm. I think, maybe that it might be good to make this longer, expand on your ideas here. There's definitely room to say more, if you want.

Good job, and keep writing!


*adna*

God wrote:And many came to glimpse the fall
and the horror spread through one and all
their eyes were covered so they'd not see
the pain that visited them that day
And long they waited for the end
For death their souls to send
And the fiery angels up on high
Knew then that Apocalypse was nigh

I like this, but add more details into each line and try to extend the poem. I like your rythym and rhyming in this though. On the last line, what do you mean by "nigh"?. I hope this helps.

-Rick.

I really didn't like the rhyme, complete or not. It just totally washed away any seriousness the piece had. Other than that, I thought it was good but you could expand on the theme.

I rally liked this piece. I barely noticed the rhyme and when i read it the second time i figured out he rhyme and was like, whoa, thats cool.
so, i like your sort of old-timy phrases (nigh, me and thee) because even though the apocalypse is sort of a futuristic topic (but not really, it could happen anytime...), you gave it a little old-timy charm with those little things.

And long they waited for the end
For death their souls to send

hte line about "send" totally threw me off. hte rhythem was entirely broken in that one.

Wow, you have a whole lot of poems... cool. i like how even though most proms are about loss and sadness (ahem... guilty...) you choose to write about the things that we all deal with, but most poeple just deal wiht it by having a catfight with the voices in their mind.
=]
really good.
=]

God wrote:And many came to glimpse the fall
and the horror spread through one and all
their eyes were covered so they'd not see
the pain that visited me and thee
And long they waited for the end
For death their souls to send I liked this line but when I read it out loud it kinda brakes the rhythm for me.
And the fiery angels up on high
Knew that Apocalypse was nigh

I know it works perfectly fine without them but I'm kinda picky about wanting to have comas in my poems but maybe that's just me.
Other then that I really liked how it was kinda written in like a old stile with thee and stuff (also why I'm a Shakespeare freak)But anyway back to the poem. I think you did a really good job of the way how you rimed it but it wasn't the mane foces.
Over all, grate job!

Hi there! I'm here to review!

their eyes were covered so they'd not see
the pain that visited me and thee

First off, I really like the first line. It flows smoothly and gives me the right images to go over in my head. However, "me and thee" kind of killed it all. :/ I'm not a big fan of rhyming in general because it limits what you can write to such a minimum that you'll be lucky to find a good substitute. Also, it just seems forced throughout.

And long they waited for the end
For death their souls to send
And the fiery angels up on high
Knew that Apocalypse was nigh

For those two underlined lines, I think you need an extra syllable or two. As it stands right now, the wording is awkward, which makes the reading awkward in turn.

I hope this helped! Pm me if you want another review or if you have any questions. I'd be happy to answer.