This is my first time publishing a story on YWS, so I had to get over my nerves. If I want to get published young, I have to learn to share it. So, here goes. *shuts eyes and thrusts manuscript foward* First chapter of 'A Diamond in the Rough.'
Chapter 1
“Not so high and mighty now, are you?” Lietta jeered as the muted clash of their wooden swords echoed in the empty entrance hall. Theleus wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead, but lunged forward once again, jabbing the sword. She just laughed, and jumped out of the way. “Surrender while you can, brother!” She said as she increased the speed of her steps, trying to back him into the corner.
“Never!” he laughed, gasping for breath as the two siblings continued to spar.
At 19, Theleus was Lietta’s senior by one year, but one would have thought they were twins; they spent all their time together. However, the duties of the city had pulled the two siblings apart. Theleus, as a captain of the military, had many a responsibility, and he was not one to abandon his duties. This, however, left Lietta alone, left to look after her aging, distant uncle. This was one of the first time in a while that they had been able to spar together, and they were relishing it.
The sun pouring in from the large window caught Lietta’s eye, and was blinded temporarily. However, even though she couldn’t see him, Lietta could feel her brother circle around her, trying again and again to disarm her. Out of sheer luck, she swung and connected with his sword, and Lietta made her way out of the path of the glaring sun. She tried every move she had learned from Theleus, he was a good teacher. Her brother’s steps were practiced, and precise; a worthy opponent. However, Lietta had been practicing for days without stop, been preparing for this very moment. She threw her head back and laughed at his concentrated face, something my governesses would have frowned upon. I side stepped him to the right, but quickly turned, and with one swift movement of the heavy sword, knocked the sword out of Theleus’s hand. He jumped back, taken off guard by my sudden skill. She lunged once more, he ducked, but like a frightened mule, backed himself into the corner. Holding my sword at his throat, she smiled triumphantly and said simply, smirking,
“Congratulation, you have been out-sparred by a girl.”
Theleus sighed, but smiled proudly, he had trained his sister well. He slid down to the floor against the stone wall, exhausted. They had been going at it for the better part of two hours. Lietta looked down at her old, plain dress, it was a sooty mess. Her brother laughed, “Gone through another dress, Lietta?” “You have more dresses made for you than any other lady in Illinea!”
“Well, look at you! You’re all messied up, but you won’t have to throw it out, people don’t care what men wear.”
She slid to the ground beside him. “Oh, how I wish I didn’t have to worry about dirtying these blasted dresses, they really are bothersome. You don’t know how lucky you are.” She said, looking enviously at my brother’s breeches and tunic.
“Someone has got to be the pretty one in the family, little sister, that falls to you.” He said, trying to make her smile.
“And someone has got to be the respectable one in the family, and that falls to me.”
They turned and saw Saneus, their older brother, standing there, with a stern, yet somehow bemused look on his face. With one hand, he flicked the heavy wooden door shut, and strolled over. Saneus eyed the swords laying on the ground, and raised his eyebrows. “Little sister, am I under the impression that you have been sparring again, or have I just imagined it?” He asked sarcastically. Saneus wasn’t king yet, but he was the king of sarcasm. Even though he was only one and twenty years, he acted far older. The deaths of their parents had caused him to abandon boyhood at the age of ten, and take on the role of protector of his siblings, a captain of the military, and heir to the throne of Ilinea, for Uncle Delvin’s wife had passed away along with his one child.
Theleus pulled himself to his feet, “We’re just having a little fun, no harm.” Saneus eyed Theleus coolly. “She beat you, didn’t she, goodness, you must practice more. I shan’t have my little brother beaten by a little girl.”
Theleus’s face turned a shade of crimson and he bit his lip. “She’s good, I can’t help that.” He said, trying to smile, but his pride was hurt.
“Shouldn’t you be at your studies?” Saneus said curtly, and without another word, waved him away. Theleus didn’t meet Lietta’s eye as he passed her, pushed open the doors, and walked out. She also got to her feet and stood face to face with her older brother.
“Is it a hobby of yours to intimidate others, or is it simply instinct?” she asked, trying to keep her voice controlled. He glared at her.
“You should not be toying in the ways of men. You are a woman, hardly.” she ignored his comment. To some, Lietta’s oldest brother was intimidating, however, she was used to his scare tactics, and didn’t even flinch.
“Goodness, you are so uptight. You know, I don’t remember the last time I saw you smile.” “What do you say, how about you try your so called ‘legendary skill’ with mine.” She asks, taunting.
He smirked and rolled his eyes. Lietta, however, wasn’t about to give up.
“What? Are you scared you will be beaten by little old me?” She asked smugly, as he was heading towards the door.
Saneus stopped where he was, and turned sharply on the spot. For a second, she had thought that she had won. He looked his sister over, smirked once more, and said,
“I do not spare women or children, and you are both.” He was about to leave, when he added, “Oh, and there’s another one of them in the study. Do see to him.”
Please critique as you will, but be kind. If I somehow missed a spelling or grammar error, I apologize in advance, even with checking it 3 times over, I'm an awful speller. Thank you for reading!
~Jenni
2. "Theleus's" should just be "his"