insomnia

I can't sleep.
I can't think.
I don't know what to do.
I sit playing Chess with myself.
Why can't I sleep?

Another piece captured.
I am tired out of my mind.
Check.
I want to sleep.
Check mate.
If I can sleep, I can think, I think.
I feel like a zombie.

Another game won and lost.
finally, dawn comes.
I start to chat on YWS.
Lack of sleep catches up.
The headache. the tiredness.
If only I could have slept!
Maybe then, I could think, I think.

oooh. Insomnia. My grandma has that sickness.

*wonders how the above post even counts as a review* ^-^;;;;

Well...let me give you one.

I can't sleep.
I can't think.
I don't know what to do.
I sit playing Chess with myself. (No need for caps on Chess)
Why can't I sleep?

Another piece captured.
I am tired out of my mind.
Check.
I want to sleep.
Check mate. (Checkmate)
If I can sleep, I can think, I think.
I feel like a zombie.

Another game won and lost.
finally, dawn comes.
I start to chat on YWS.
Lack of sleep catches up.
The headache. the tiredness.
If only I could have slept!
Maybe then, I could think, I think.

------------

Its good, but kinda bland. Yes, it is true to form, but it is rather boring and only begins an actual look into sleep deprivation, then rushes up to the end and comes off incomplete. You spent more detailing the second chapter and establishing a sluggish steady pace, then it changes too fast and rushes up. Without conclusion to.

That is exactly how I'm feeling.
I like it.
But since Kenpachi Masamune beat me to it..
I have nothing to correct, being that I'm a chess nerd, I could have actually corrected someone for once!
Oh well.
Good job.

wow that must suck to have. I always sleep. In fact i keep having a wierd dream. Its the smae thing every time. For 2 and 1/2 weeks so far and continuing. What does it mean???


Oh well... nice job though.