Tiny Hands, Tiny Feet

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My girlfriend (yeah, I have one now!!!) wrote this poem, and she wanted people to read it and comment. I think that it's great!!!!

Tiny Hands, Tiny Feet

For Ashton and Melissa
By Malia

D&C 137:10
And I also beheld that all children who die before they arrive at the years of accountability are saved in the celestial kingdom of heaven.


She only got two hours,
To hold her baby boy,
To look into his eyes,
Too see his tiny hands and tiny feet.

She savored every moment,
That she was with him,
For she knew his time was running short,
And he soon would be on his way.

A ten hour labor,
And all she got was this,
Just two hours of her precious baby,
She'd fallen in love with.

It didn't seem fair,
To lose such a precious thing,
One that had a future,
That might do extraordinary things.

But God had a plan for him,
A plan that would send him back home,
So she loved her baby, Ashton,
Until he had to go.

She told him to be a good boy,
To respect his Father in Heaven,
And to look after his brother and sisters,
She would eventually have and fall in love with.

And then his spirit slipped away,
And flew high up to Heaven,
Where a Father wait with open arms,
That he would hold him with.

And then he looked down at his mother,
Who lay weeping in the hospital bed,
A tear slid down his face,
And he reached out to touch her.

And she might have felt it,
She might have not,
The touch of a tiny hand,
That belonged to her baby she'd just lost.

But she will see him one day,
When it's her time to go home,
And she'll love him and she'll kiss him,
And then she won't have to let him go.

But for now she'll have more babies,
To nurture and look after,
But she'll never forget her first baby,
With it's tiny hands and tiny feet.
Last edited by BigBadBear on Sat Mar 29, 2008 10:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Just write -- the rest of life will follow.

Would love help on this.




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That was beautiful!
I love how it began with 'she only got two hours', it really hooked me.

It didn't seem fair,
To lose such a precious thing,
One that had a future,
That might do extraordinary things.


I don't like how she referred to the baby as a 'thing'. I don't know, I might just be a little too picky.

Other than that, this was so cute. And the message is so nice, mothers in this situation should read this and I bet they'll have a smile on their face!
Your girlfriend's talented. :wink:




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That was sad and sweet!
I loved it.
Your girlfriend is great.. well at writing I mean.
Though I do agree with Livinginfantasy.. I'm not sure I would refer to it as a thing..
But now I'm referring to a baby as it, so I'm gonna just be quiet now.
=]
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It kinda drags on and that seems to be its worst enemy. It tells a story, but I am not sure if that is what she was going for. Perhaps this is more of a narrative poetry then a lyrical poetry. That would make more sense to me at least. I won't pick too much on word choice because a more unusual bit caught my eye.

"D&C 137:10
And I also beheld that all children who die before they arrive at the years of accountability are saved in the celestial kingdom of heaven. "

Umm... Is that a bible reference on the start of a poem? I know these kind of references are sometimes made before chapters in books, but I have not seen them being used in poetry before. It just strikes me as unusual, and I really don't know what to think about it. Perhaps it is just because I don't understand why it is here, but aside from that, what use does it have to be before the poem at all? The poem already asserts this, and it doesn't need a precursor to get a simple meaning across. So again....why is it here?
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OMG! This poem was so beautiful!

This poem made me cry.

It reminded me of my brother who died. He died 2 days after his birth. My mom got to be with him for just 2 days. When he died, my mom was crushed. She cried for a long time and her world went down. Also this reminded me of the quote in my brother's tomb which says: Ours for a while, God's forever.

:( :( :(

Really nice poem!
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Hey there

This poem is quite sad, but I like it. It seems to have quite an irregular flow to it though, I think it needs a bit more structure.

'Too see his tiny hands and tiny feet' - this should be 'To see'.

'And to look after his brother and sisters,
She would eventually have and fall in love with' - that part got to me. It's like a big brother that the next kids will never have known.

This has a great theme and purpose, but the style lets it down a little.

Overall it's really good. You should get Malia to join yws XD



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