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Sorry some of it is backwards. sorry it's not the best, it messed up.


Along
The ground it
Slithers keeping down low. Watching t
It’s head alert to which it goes. W h
closer. a e
i m
r gnirepsihw ssarg eht rof gni t
o p ekans eht gnikam dnoura yrruks eci
s e
i i
n r
g ce the air mice laughing without care. Wh
their song with the wind whisping to a i n l
gnikool ylbisivni sedih ekans eht elihw orf d e
f f gnitiaw gnitaolg meht sehctaw ekans eht
o o
r r
t a
h snack. The mice run, knowing the awaiting danger fro
e right time. It floats through the grass, almost swi m
m t m h
i e
n h g u
s ti drib eht sedils dna srehtils ti taehw eht hguorht m
i ekil dnuora gnipmuj drib a rof gnikool nuf rof gnitnuh na
n a
g c
s razy little chick, or maybe a chicken. It slithers on .
a song of the hour. Making the snake come closer and

HelpSOS,


This is gimmicky garbage. Throw it away now and actually try writing poetry that doesn't require tricks to sustain itself.


Best,
Brad

You said it messed up? Best fix it, cos right now I have no idea what you've tried to do/say.

From glancing at this I'd say there's little poetry in it, with or without the translation.

I'll admit I really enjoyed working it out though, that was a lot of fun. Kudos.

Next time imagine your audiance as a childish bunch. They need to be shown something they like, before they're willing to concentrate on it.

I'll admit I am seriously confused. If it is messed up, rather than post it, I would recommend that you go back and fix it. As is, I have no idea what the idea behind this is at all.

Sorry, but this isn't exactly postable material. Please fix it.

~GryphonFledgling

What do you call this but i am going to be straight oiut with you this sucks. But I am sorry you have words in there that makes no sense and the whole thing doesn't make sense. I don't ;like it at all.

Have a good day. SimonCowellLuver

Terrible. I made my head hart. Please fix this or take it off the web cause I don't want anybody to read this anymore until it's fixed. Sorry I was harsh, but it needed to be said.

Hey.

Don't let everyone tell you it sucks, because you said that it was a concrete poem. Go back and edit this. Delete the entire thing and re-copy and paste it all. Then highlight the poem and click 'pre'.

It'll be all better. It will stay in the correct format and make sense.

-Jared

HelpSOS wrote:[pre] Along
The ground it
Slithers keeping down low. Watching t
It’s head alert to which it goes. W h
closer. a e
i m
r gnirepsihw ssarg eht rof gni t
o p ekans eht gnikam dnoura yrruks eci
s e
i i
n r
g ce the air mice laughing without care. Wh
their song with the wind whisping to a i n l
gnikool ylbisivni sedih ekans eht elihw orf d e
f f gnitiaw gnitaolg meht sehctaw ekans eht
o o
r r
t a
h snack. The mice run, knowing the awaiting danger fro
e right time. It floats through the grass, almost swi m
m t m h
i e
n h g u
s ti drib eht sedils dna srehtils ti taehw eht hguorht m
i ekil dnuora gnipmuj drib a rof gnikool nuf rof gnitnuh na
n a
g c
s razy little chick, or maybe a chicken. It slithers on .
a song of the hour. Making the snake come closer and[/pre]

Nice attempt at emblematic poetry, but I think in a different format, this would be fantastic. As it stands, it's really hard to read, and nobody wants to read backwards text.

enigamI
ot si siht drah woh ees uoy oD .eceip ruoy rof euqitirc ym erew siht fi
.ylgu nialp tsuj dna tnerehocni :sdaer meop eht fo tsom woh si sihT ?daer

Emblematic poetry is great, when it's done right. This is not done right. If you were to send this to a publisher, you would probably get it sent back to you with a handwritten note that says "No Thank You". It's probably something in your formatting, and this probably looks really good in a different font, but right now, it's rough, and could definitely use some work.

Don't give up on this style of poetry, though! Just try easier pictures to work with. I have an emblematic poem floating around here in the shape of a camera, and that took a lot of work. For now, put this stuff aside, and trying something easier, like a sonnet, or free verse. Then work your way back to this.

Again, nice attempt, but probably not the best venue for it.

kf

I see what you are doing. reminds me of the poem grasshopper. However, personally that kind of poetry is not my style. Try adding in some content along with the rest.

I LIKED IT!

I also saw it when it was..... normal. ^-^ I also sat next to you at the time, so I don't know why I'm telling you this now.... <3

~Nightfall

Okay the first thing I noticed when I opened this...I couldn't read it. It looks like jibberish! If it messes up, fix it.

But from what I can see it looks a little random and at the same time it goes along with the theme and is kinda awesome.

So from what other people have said there actually is a pattern here, but I'm not getting it.

Best of luck,
Ali

Oh. I totally understand why your poem is like this.

People, this is a concrete poem. Look it up if you don't know what I mean.

But HelpSOS, I can't quite understand it. Maybe it needs some fixing? Then people will like it if you fix it up now.