My Muse

[pre]My muse

With a single kiss
I’d never ask for you again,
for my field-of-flower dreams would be enough.
The roses would bloom indefinitely,
and your cheeks would match them,
and your dress would catch them
and dance with them in the wind,
but I’ll never get that kiss.

Someone else will be dancing with you,
and her dress will match yours.
Pink and light with ripples and swish.
Together you’ll dance in the flowers,
and laugh in the sweet smelling air;
Violin serenades in bursts of giddy giggles.

And when night falls you will dream of her
and she will dream of you, just as I do.
When you wake the roses will open and smile
but I will stay asleep and dream a while

One dream will be enough
to keep my heart beating,
to keep me seeking another field
where the wind blows sweet and the violins sing
To a flower just like you.
[/pre]

Great visuals and good form. I liked it.~LM

i really liked the poem. I imagined alot of yellows, bright greens, and bright oranges when i read it. There isn't much bad to say about. i like it alot

I like the imagry and the rythmn. It so romantic!!!! The girl you give this too is the luckiest in the world. More guys should do this.

Make sure you do two reviews before posting your own work. Welcome to the YWS!!!

Hello there, welcome to the site! As aestar101 says, you need to write two reviews for every piece of literary work you post on YWS so if you could review some other people's work before posting more of your own, that would be appreciated.

As for a review, I think your poem is very well written. It flows beautifully and your persona has a strong voice. I do, however, think that your imagery could have been stronger and more unique. Here's a quick line by line with some suggestions -

With a single kiss [The simplicity of this makes it a good, strong start but I think it could be more powerful as 'A single kiss/ and I'd never ask for you again...']
I’d never ask for you again,
for my field-of-flower dreams would be enough.[I think the use of for in this line disrupts the flow a little because, after its use in the previous line, the reader is expecting it to be a list, is expecting it to be the same meaning of 'for' as previously. I'd suggest 'I'd never ask for you again -/my field-of-flower dreams would be enough.']
The roses would bloom indefinitely,
and your cheeks would match them,
and your dress would catch them [Good use of repetition, rhythm and rhyme.]
and dance with them in the wind,
but I’ll never get that kiss.

Someone else will be dancing with you,
and her dress will match yours. [I think maybe a semi colon here.]
Pink and light with ripples and swish.
Together you’ll dance in the flowers, [You use lot of commas. I don't think you need one here.]
and laugh in the sweet smelling air;
Violin serenades in bursts of giddy giggles.

And when night falls you will dream of her
and she will dream of you, just as I do.
When you wake the roses will open and smile
but I will stay asleep and dream a while [I think you need a period/ full stop here.]

One dream will be enough
to keep my heart beating,
to keep me seeking another field
where the wind blows sweet and the violins sing
To a flower just like you. [I think the flow of this stanza could be improved with a structural change. I'd suggest:

One dream will be enough
to keep my heart beating,
to keep me seeking
another field;
where the wind blows sweet
and the violins sing
to a flower, just like you.

and you could maybe capitalise the 'you' to add extra emphasis?]

___________________________________
In general, I liked this. It's very pretty and you have a lovely rhythm and a great sense of atmosphere. It could have been more original but it was very nice. Good work,

Heather xx

I really liked this. The first stanza was really great!

So beautiful. I agree with aestar101 that which ever girl receives this poem is one lucky girl!
You just write so well!

Oh, and I can see that you are new so Welcome to YWS! If you ever need any reviews or just a friend, PM me!

~ashley