Cabbage

17 posts1, 2
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Ah! Thankyou for the praise! *bows to you* Thankyou thankyou THANKYOU!

Ah. But the ignorant adults don't have angels! Cabbage knew he had to leave, for the children needed him more *tear*




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Points 1478
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^_^ Well it looks like I was beat to critique, but since I said I would read it and since it was short (I do so love works that are reasonable in length. *says the one who posted 12 pages in a single post* =P).

The good
The first line had me thinking 'Darn. Why didn't I think of that?' It's sweet and cute and I liked it. Very good! :D

The bad
Well it's not bad, just how you could improve. It is short, which makes it nice, but maybe you could add a little more description, instead of glossing over so much. I dunno. Maybe sort of patch together a bunch of memorable scenes from her life so we can see how their bond grew. =P Maybe that's just me, I tend to want more of something I liked. :wink:

Anyways, this is quite good work and a nice idea. Though I don't see the link with the prologue. Maybe I missed it. Keep it up!

^_^ Keek!
I'm like that song stuck in your head; I come and I go, but never truly dissapear.

And apparently I also write a blog.



It’s not unorthodox, I thought it was beautiful.
— Jimi Hendrix