In The End

And now we welcome Rory Evelyn Legend to the stage for her poetry debut!
Sorry if this is in the wrong poetry section..it's my first time! =]

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In The End

It wasn't supposed to be like this
The end.
But then again,
Who really knows
How it's supposed to be,
The end.

It's different for everyone,
I suppose.
And who really decides how it goes,
The end?
Is it you or is it me?

I guess we'll never know.
Or we'll just have to wait
Until the end

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It probably sucks but it just kind of popped into my head, and I always wanted to write poetry, sort of. =]

Hello!

Actually I think this belongs in Other poetry, so I'll let a poetry mod know. Now for the critique!

I think your whole idea is really strong. When I read the first two lines I felt that it was going to be some great idea that someone finally ventured into. But then it became more lyrical and the voice changed to that of someone younger. The repetition does it I think. After your first two lines you sort of just repeated that idea over and over but what you really need to do is expand. Make it something more. The meaning deeper. You know what I mean. I get how you have a feeling and you know what you want out of it but it's hard to put it into the words you want and make it poetry. If you work on this it could be really good. The voice needs to be a little more dominant to do so.

PM me if you have any questions or need help with anything!
Happy editing!
~Rieda

Poetry can be classed in many different ways, so if you think it goes here, I'm sure it will be fine; equally, I'm sure it would do fine elsewhere. It's not a thing to worry over, really!

It's a very short, seemingly simple poem. Not a lot of hidden meaning, no real characters or plotlines, just one idea explored in almost daydream-think terms: by that I mean, it tends to float and wander somewhat, it's not exactly a rigorously logical argument!
It doesn't suck exactly, it just needs a little more, that's all. Flesh it out a little, give us some ideas about what's ending, why it's ending: maybe it represents something bigger, maybe it's just a generalisation for lots of people, maybe it's a specific situation. You can develop it if you want, stick in some different people and different actions, I think that might grip people a little more, make them want more to read, make them want to get to the end of the story.

Well, you choose what you turn your poetry into always nice to see someone starting off their poetry career! Keep on writing, I'll look forward to seeing more of your stuff wandering around the forums.

I find this kind of lyrical. Sort-of. It starts out strong and then slowly floats to a nice tempo. It gets less powerful towards the end. My only suggestion is that maybe you could put a little more into the end of your poem so it stays powerful all the way through. Otherwise, I enjoyed reading it! I thought it was pretty good.

I agree with ashleylee...it was very nice to read, it reminds me of a song written by the Beatles (something like that), but if you were to classify it as a poem, I'd suggest you put your heart & soul into it...like La Vampiress mentioned. It's good, but it needs more improvement.

So, happy writing, & enjoy your day.

I liked this.

I agree with those above, the beginning was a lot stronger than the ending. I think one factor to this is that the last stanza is something of a cliche in poetry. I'm not a big poetry reader but I've seen that same style used before. Its just a quick end.

Other than that I think the poem was actually quite powerful, especially the last lines of the first stanza and the first lines of the second stanza.