Reflection of the Sky

The trees blow and sway
As I sit, silent, on the quay.

I look down at the shimmering blue;
And see myself and you.

For you are that immense stretch of space,
so great and open against my face

I stare into the watery mirror and think
'What would it be like, to sink
up into the clear blue and white clouded sky?"

I liked it! Though I didn't get, on the last line, why you said you looked back. I thought you were already looking at the pool.

You remind me of how my dad rhymes! *that brought me happiness on its own* I liked this poem, kinda peaceful, imagery was nice, even though you didn't describe much (which is actually possible). The ending was a little bit difficult to understand though, because it says 'looking back' though you never said you looked away.

"For you are that immense stretch of space," This line breaks up the rhythm; it's too long.

" 'What would it be like, to sink
up into the clear blue and white clouded sky. " This should be a question mark, shouldn't it? And you only put quotations on one side of it, you need to add the other.

Maybe a tad more imagery? ... or maybe not. I just think in some places you're more tellings us than showing us. I like this as is, but that doesn't mean it couldn't maybe be better. So good job. This was simple, peaceful, and well-done.


*adna*

it's very nice, but the last few lines seem a little out of place as if you had an idea but lost it along the way.

This is good.

Maybe it could be a few lines longer to explain the thinking back part at the end. Also, that the end was three lines while the others were two didn't make sense.

With a few changes, this could be great.

I liked this piece. Although I didn't get the ending part.

Uhm it's a little short. Maybe you can make this longer so that it would be very interesting!