Chapter One (don't have a title yet)

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this is something I wrote a really REALLY long time ago. I gave up and now I think it has some potential. PM me if you think it's something I should continue!
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Chapter One ((i haven't really a name for this yet so if you think of something, let me know!!))

SLAM! Thump, thump, thump. SLAM! “Knock it off Reed!” Sheri yelled before yanking the pillow over her head. SLAM!

“I SAID KNOCK IT OFF!” She screamed yanking her head from beneath the pillow. A tall, lanky boy with a wild mop of hair entered the room, his shirt halfway on and a pair of boxers upon his legs.

“Shut up Sheri! You gotta get out of bed anyway!” Reed yelled back, throwing a flip-flop at her body beneath the covers and scurrying quickly away before she could wail it back. Sheri groaned and ripped of the covers, throwing the flip-flop upon the plush carpet. She stretched and yawned before shuffling to her door and…SLAM! She threw the door, smashing it into the frame.

A half-hour later with scattered yelling and a few miscellaneous items flung through the air, Reed and Sheri entered the kitchen in a cloud of perfume and cologne. Reed shoved a whole piece of toast in his mouth and opened his maw, giving Sheri a clear view of the food inside his mouth so she shoved him.

“Hey now you two!” A woman had entered the room, dressed in a prim, tailored suit of iron gray, her hair styled sensibly, straight and neat. She padded across the linoleum in nylon-covered feet and grimaced as crumbs from her boy’s mouth fell upon the once-clean counter.

“Please, Reed, and close your mouth.” She scolded.

“Sorry mom.” He mumbled with a full mouth. The woman scowled and he swallowed with a loud gulp and a grin. She shook her head and quickly poured herself a steaming cup of coffee while stirring in lumps of sugar.
“Where’s dad?” Sheri asked, placing herself at the wooden table with a bowl of Froot Loop cereal, a metal spoon, and a gallon of milk.

“Working late again I’m afraid but he should be home-“ Mrs. Thompson stopped short as a tall, built man entered the room, his navy blue tie askew, a briefcase hanging from his limp hand. He collapsed in the chair closest to Sheri and his wife hurried over, greeting him with a kiss and a worried expression.

“What can I get you dear?”

"Just coffee will do.”

“Black?”

“As always.” He said, making an attempt at a smile but failing as he sighed heavily, rubbing his sleep-deprived eyes. Sheri gazed at him with sympathy as Reed grabbed another slice of toast but this time eating it in two bites instead of one.

In a few short seconds, an “I Love Lucy” mug of steaming black coffee was placed before the tired man and he sipped it greedily. The woman smiled kindly before gasping when she caught sight of the clock. “I’m so sorry Paul but I have-“ But the man cut her short, waving his hand to let her he understood.

She placed a quick peck on each of her children’s checks and one on the lips of her husband. “Have a good day sweetie-“

“Mom! Reed forgot to take the dog out again!” Sheri screeched, pointing to where a yellow puddle sat near the back door. Just then, a wiggling, squirming Yorkish Terrier trotted in, his mouth dripping from his water bowl.

Mrs. Thompson shook her head and looked at Reed accusingly.
“Reed. Didn’t I tell you that this dog was your responsibility.”

Reed’s mouth fell open and raised his voice to the defense. “Mom! Come on!”

“No Reed. You know better.” Sheri raised her chin smugly. “And you too Sheri!” Reed smirked. “It’s both of your responsibilities.”

“Your mother’s right.” Reed and Sheri quickly dropped their gaze as Mr. Thompson stood. Without saying a word, he had punished their children. Reading the disappointment in their father’s voice was enough for each of them.

Mrs. Thompson nodded approvingly while her husband addressed her. “I’ll clean it up dear, don’t worry.” He pecked her sweetly on her way out.

Immediately on her exit, Sheri and Reed jumped towards the door. They could feel their father’s eyes trained on their backs the whole way to the front door but they dared not turn around. Instead they shouted their good-byes over their shoulders without a backward glance.

Once safely outside, Sheri said. “Reed, how come you didn’t take Timon out?”

“Because I forgot okay.” Reed answered, rushing ahead. Sheri rolled her eyes and pulled her purse higher on her shoulder. Just than, honking came from behind and an older car appeared beside, it’s paint chipped and it’s rims dull.
Sheri smirked as the driver addressed her. “Hey Sheri.”

“Hey Mike.” Sheri smiled at the boy.

“Wanna ride?” He asked, his eyes hopeful.

“In that thing?” She questioned, her eyes roaming over the rust and puttering of the weak engine. “No thanks.” Than, her face spread into a teasing grin and Mike shook his head amused.

“Come on. Reed, how about you dude?” Reed raised his eyebrows at his sister and she shrugged. Than he turned back at Mike and nodded. “Sure man.” Mike unlocked the doors, and Sheri took shotgun as Reed wiggled into the back.

Reed interchanged between staring out the window and eavesdropping as Sheri chatted with Mike. He watched closely as Mike continually playfully shoved Sheri.

Mike was their neighbor. Had been since they moved into that neighborhood and since the day they moved there, he had always been in love with his sister. And he had been trying for years to become more than just "friends" but Sheri wouldn’t give him the time of day, which was a shame.

Reed liked Mike. Yeah he was a dork at times and, of course, he could get maybe a tad bit annoying but otherwise he was just an all around, fun guy. But Sheri seemed to over look this fact. All she saw was a blonde, short boy with braces and glasses with a goofy laugh. Reed smiled as Mike laughed. He did have a goofy laugh. But so what. Sheri was more concerned with the “hottness factor" than the personality, which Reed, shamefully understood, being a guy and all.

As they pulled into the high school parking lot, Sheri flipped down the mirror in the car and checked herself over critically. Her hair was fine, wavy as usual but frizzier than she would have liked. Her eyes were good but her mascara did nothing for her short eyelashes, making them appear even shorter if possible. But besides that, she looked…decent. Before exiting the car, she smeared on a new coat of lipgloss with a flourish on her already slick lips. Mike shook his head and chuckled. “What?” Sheri wondered, turning to look at him quizzically.

“Nothing.” Mike mumbled, exiting the car.

Sheri frowned. “What?” she asked again, also leaving her seat and shutting the door. Reed followed suit.

“It’s just…you look fine. As you do every day.” He looked at her and saw a modern Snow White. Black, wavy locks’ with sparkling, sapphire eyes, pale skin with rosy cheeks and full, red lips. So what if her eyelashes weren’t as long as some others. She was gorgeous with or without them.

“Thank you Mike but not everybody is as generous as you are.” She said, wrapping her arm around his shoulders in a sister-brother kind of gesture. Mike grinned at her touch but frowned when she pulled away as someone called her name.

She waved and turned to Mike and Reed. “I’ll see you guys later ‘kay? Thanks again for the ride Mike.” She called before she joined her friends. Mike watched her leave before shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans.

“Come on dude.” Reed said, clapping him on the shoulder. “Let’s get to class.”


Reed felt his attention slipping as Mr. Hanson explained the relativity of inertia along with other things. Like he cared. Just than, he smelled that flowery scent he loved so much and he felt the fabric of somebody’s jeans brush against his arm. He causally glanced up in time to see a willowy tall girl with long, brunette hair breeze passed him to the dull gray, electric pencil sharperner. It’s sound awoke half the class who were in a doze and Reed just in time caught himself staring and quickly looked away but it didn’t go totally unnoticed.

Soon, a fist knocked into his upper arm and he turned to face his bulky, red-haired friend, Ash Boone. He raised his eyebrows suggestively and Reed turned away, just as that familiar flowery scent washed over him again. He turned and found the brunette grin at him before sitting, crossing her crazily long legs beneath her desk. He grinned back and winked. The brunette giggled shyly, tucking a stray strand of her hair behind her ear. He straightened in his seat and he heard Ash chuckle behind him. Reed jutted out his chin and pulled back his shoulders, turning to face his friend smugly. Ash shook his head before continuing to doodle in his notebook.


Meanwhile, Sheri sat halfway across the school, painting with a flick of her paintbrush. Her art teacher stalked around the room, glancing over the student’s shoulders as they worked. She felt herself grow nervous as Mr. Johnson edged closer to her. She liked her painting but it was missing something. Something that she strove to have in her work.

Life.

Her picture was completely 2-D. Flat and lacking emotion. It was just a normal painting of a forest of trees, their leaves dipped in gold. The forest lined a lake and their reflections were mirrored in the water with the sun crossing across the sky. And yet it held none of the emotion she wanted people who looked at it to feel.

She wanted them to feel the wonder of the trees silent whisperings to each other and the water rippling with the invisible breeze she would not draw. The sun’s warmth not reaching to the ground to warm the soil. It was supposed to be full of life, as their teacher assigned but all her hard work and yet, she felt nothing and saw nothing but a flat, 2-D, decent painting.

Mr. Johnson now as behind her and he could feel his piercing eyes staring critically at her painting. She pretended not to notice as she added more color to the leaves, making them shine. When she was done and Mr. Johnson had yet made a comment, she turned. He was smiling and she narrowed her eyes in confusion. “What is it?” she asked.

“This is very good, as are all your paintings Sheri-“ He began.

“I know, I know. ‘But where’s the emotion’, right?”

Mr. Johnson smiled even wider. “I’m sorry to say but you’re right.”

“I don’t know. I envisioned it perfectly but when I put it on paper…it’s just dull!” She said, cocking her head to the side in a hopeful attempt to catch the painting in a different light.

“Sheri. You are an amazing artist. This picture is very good. But you have yet to understand that things don’t have to perfect. Imperfection is key.”

“But-“

“Say no more. It’s you that has to figure it out.” Mr. Johnson winked and than ventured on to the next student, leaving Sheri lost in her thoughts.



While Sheri pondered the wise words of her art teacher, Mike was facing gym. He looked about as all the taller, buffer boys stood around him, making him appear even smaller and weaker than he really was. It was towards the end of his sophomore year and he had yet to grow more than a half of an inch. His arms were still sticks, along with his legs. He had only managed to grow more than a few hairs upon his upper lip while he stared at a boy with a full-blown beard-mustache combo. He gulped when the gym teacher arrived. Mrs. Anderson. She was young and gorgeous and all the boys had a crush on her, even Mike. Who could help it?

But all the boys were way ahead of him on looking mature and he just looked like a skinny boy still. When he caught sight of her, he swallowed hard again. She had shiny, blonde hair pulled back in a loose pony on her head. She wore no make-up except for Chap Stick and she was fittest mother they had ever met. And this was a disappointment to the boys. She was married with a two-year-old son who she talked about constantly. She had even brought him to school one day and yet, her husband was still a mystery. The boys liked to think he was an old, ugly guy that she had married only for the money. But Mike knew he was probably just as fit and handsome as she was. She was just too modest to admit it.

“All right everybody, five-minute run starting…NOW!” The boys started circling the gym and Mrs. Anderson watched from the sidelines, holding her stopwatch. She was dressed in a white T-shirt and blue shorts with white trim, running shoes enclosing her feet. Mike was being by-passed by the same guys three times and they hadn’t even broken a sweat. He, however, was close to dead. Mike was no athlete. He hated sports and hated sweating even more.

When the run ended, the gym class grouped together to decide what form of exercise they would perform today. Mrs. Anderson was mostly laid back on what they would do just as long as they were tired and pouring sweat by the end. That meant she had done her job. And, today they chose dodgeball.

Mike felt his stomach drop with a sickening crunch towards his knees. The boys already had the foam balls that weren’t supposed to hurt but did anyway and were tossing them lazily, waiting to start. Mike hurried over and grabbed a ball. He waited for her whistle and when it came, he knew it was over. About twenty balls came in his direction and than all he knew was the hard wooden floor beneath his bruised behind.



“Mike!” Reed yelled, running to catch up with Mike.

He grinned at Reed but grimaced and grabbed his behind as he stood up. “Sup.”

“Nothing. Umm, what’s…ah, wrong?” He asked, pointing to where Mike was still holding his lower back.

“Gym.”

“I see.” Reed laughed. “Hey, what are you doing right now?”

“Planning to go home and ice my bruised-“

“Reed!” They both turned to see a pretty brunette approach them. Mike watched Reed stand a little taller, making Mike look like a shrimp once again.

“Hey.” The girl said breathlessly, as if she had just ran a mile to see him.

“Hey.” Reed replied his voice deeper and more mature than normal. Mike smirked.

“So, I was just wondering if you had a partner in Biology because I don’t and like-“

“Do you wanna be partners?” Reed asked abruptly.

The girl’s cheeks turned an adorable shade of pink and Reed grinned, knowing he caused it. “Well, if you don’t-“

“That’s sounds great to me.”

“Really?” The girl’s eyes were sparkling with hope.

“Really.”

“Great. Well, umm, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” The girl said before sauntering off.

“You will.” Reed mumbled back, watching her leave with satisfaction. When she was out of sight, he glanced at Mike, whose eyebrows were raised in an aggravating pose. Reed shoved him. Mike shoved him back.

"Who was that?” Mike asked, starting to walk towards the doors.

“Nobody.”

“Come on dude, you totally dig her. Who is she?”

“Nobody.” Reed said more sternly but Mike wouldn’t let up. “Mike, I wouldn’t be talking. How long have you been chasing after my sister?” It stung and Mike’s face blushed crimson.

Reed immediately regretted it and said. “Hey, dude, I didn’t-“

“Forget it. It’s true isn’t it.” Mike mumbled, shoving his hands deep into his pockets.

“Sheri’s just dumb.”

“No, she’s smart. She’s too good for me.”

“Dude, don’t say that. She’s just-“ But Reed didn’t know what to say so he quickly changed the subject. “Hey, do you wanna hang out?” Mike looked surprised and confused about this offer. Never before had Reed asked to hang out unless their mother was behind it. Mrs. Thompson liked Mike too, treated him like a second son so he was invited to dinner at least once a week, maybe more. But never had he been invited by one the children of the household.

He stuttered. “A-ah-“

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to but-“

“No, no. That sounds sweet.”

“Cool but you gotta drive.”

“No problem.” The one thing that Mike prided himself over was his car. Reed and Sheri relied him a lot for lifts to and from school for their parents told them they had to buy their own car. And neither of them had that kind of money. Reed did have a job coaching kids for baseball but Sheri didn’t have one. And so, Mike was like their chauffeur.


Soon, the two boys were cruising towards their neighborhood, jamming to their favorite music. Once they arrived at the Thompson’s house, they both headed to the kitchen. Mike was so comfortable in their house that he opened the fridge without question and made himself at home with a can of pop and a slice of carrot cake, Mrs. Thompson’s specialty. “Dude, TV?”

“Sounds good to me.” Mike said, crashing on the couch.



A few hours later, Sheri came home. The boys were laughing out loud at one of their comedy shows. Sheri was surprised to see Mike there. “Hey Mike.” She greeted him before flashing Reed with a confusing stare when his back was turned. Reed shrugged before crushing his can with one fist and tossing it in a perfect arch into the garbage can. He chuckled at Mike.

For the last half-hour, Mike had been trying to do the exact thing with his can of pop and he had yet to even make an indent. Frustrated, he just whipped it in the trash before turning back to the TV. Reed laughed heartily at his failed attempt at crushing the can and Mike glowered.

Just than, Sheri’s vibrant pink sidekick started playing the song ‘Big Girls Don’t Cry’ remix by Fergie. “Hello?” Sheri’s singsong voice uttered from the adjacent room. Mike couldn’t help but listen. “Umm sure…when?… okay…see you than…bye.” Than, “Hey Reed. I’m heading back to school to meet up with some people ‘kay. Pass the message on to mom and dad.”

“Got it.”

“See ya Mike.”

“Bye.” And than she was gone.

“Dude, what time is it?” Reed said suddenly.

Mike checked the ticking clock on the wall. “3:50. Why?”

“Oh, dude, can you do me a big favor and drive me up to the middle school?”

“Sure but why-oh yeah. Coaching right?”

“Yeah and I’m gonna bet late in exactly ten minutes.”

“I can get you there in five.”
Last edited by ashleylee on Wed Mar 26, 2008 1:55 pm, edited 6 times in total.
"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach




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Hey Ash. Now, aside from the punctuation mistakes (which I don't have time to point out right now) I liked this. I think you've created a solid foundation as a beginning for a good story. And I think your dialogue was really good.

There was one thing: Why was Mike so embarrassed about liking the girl who asked to be his lab partner? Guys like Mike, at least the impression you gave me of him, aren't usually bashful about chasing a girl.

I think that was all that I didn't like in your piece. Just try and go back and catch those missing commas and such.

PM me when you've posted the next part.




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Hi! This was really good! :)
Here's a couple of things I caught:


“In that thing?” She questioned, her eyes roaming over the rust and puttering of the weak engine. “No thanks.” Than, she smiled and Mike shook his head amused.

“Come on. Reed, how about you dude?” Reed raised his eyebrows at his sister and she shrugged. Than he turned back at Mike and nodded. “Sure man.” Mike unlocked the doors, and Sheri took shotgun as Reed wiggled into the back.
Ok. First she said "No", and then she was fine with it? You might want to reword that to make a little more sense.

For the last half-hour, he had been trying to do the exact the same thing with his can of pop and he had yet to even make an indent. Frustrated, he just whipped it in the trash before turning back to the TV.
Umm, this wasn't clear at all as to who it was talking about. Reed or Mike? I think it was Mike, but I'm not sure. Maybe you could make that a little more clear.
This has great potential! Is there more? PM me if you decide to continue this! :D
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SLAM! She closed the door with the sound of her door smashing into the frame.

I think this is worded weirdly. I'd say: 'SLAM! She threw the door closed, smashing it into the wooden frame.
Reed shoved a whole piece of toast in his mouth and opened his mouth, giving Sheri a clear view of the food inside his mouth so she shoved him.“Hey now you two!”

You used the word 'mouth' too much. Here's how I'd do it: 'Reed shoved a whole piece of toast into his mouth and left his maw open, giving Sheri a clear view of the food, so she shoved him.' As a side note, start a new paragraph when the woman speaks.
...crumbs from her boy’s mouth feel upon the once-clean counter.

I'm guessing by 'feel' you mean 'fell'.
“Please Reed and close your mouth.”

Put a comma before and after 'Reed'.
...making an attempt at a smile but failing as he signed heavily...

By 'signed' I think you mean 'sighed'.
In a few short seconds, a “I Love Lucy” mug of...

Instead of 'a "I Love Lucy" mug' say 'an "I love Lucy" mug'.
Just than, a wiggling, squirming...

Wrong version of the word 'than'. Instead use 'then'.
Mrs. Thompson shook her head and looked a Reed accusingly.

The single letter 'a' after the word 'looked' is missing the 't' at the end.
He did have a goody laugh.

I think you mean 'goofy laugh'.
Before exciting the car, she smeared on...

You used the wrong word. Instead of 'exciting' use 'exiting'.

Wow. Great job with this. It was pretty real and the conversations were just as much so. All that stuff above is mostly grammatical so nothing to worry about. Overall great job. I'll probably review the next parts as well.
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The magic is only in what books say, how they stitched the patches of the universe together into one garment for us.
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