Drops of fire

Drops of fire, raining down,
Setting alight all the ground.
Consuming,
Burning,
Destroying.
Turning what was green to black.
Going,
Going,
Gone.
Melting everything away,
Disappearing this very day.
But wait! What's that you say?
A clap of thunder far away?
The drops of fire changing fast,
To drops of rainfall. Oh, at last!
Falling down they will extinguish,
Look! The fire has diminished!
But most is gone, all left is burned,
A great destruction now observed.
But not all is lost, there is still hope!
For a patch of green shows through the smoke!
A new beginning, an answered prayer,
The future to be, left from drops of dispare

An interesting piece, surprisingly refreshing for its subject! It's not something that is written about often, and as such it catches the attention and makes you take notice, always a plus. On the other hand, however, I was slightly disappointed at the simplicity of them poem: that is to say, you have such a unique perspective there to play with, it would be nice to see a second level of meaning working behind the obvious "fire!" meaning.

Also, your poem seems rather excited a lot of the time. Now, I recognise that fire is by nature not exactly dull, but you have got a slightly excessive amount of exclamation marks going on here. Just something to take note of.

I'll leave the technical bits and pieces to others: I rather liked this, and that's why I say I'd like to see you develop it more, make it deeper. Good luck, I hope we'll see more drafts coming our way!

I do like this. In the beginning especially your structure is interesting.
Mostly what I'd suggest is not trying to rhyme everything after 'Gone.' It struck me as forced and unnatural. Also, it tends to disrupt the rhythm when you're rhyming every line. That might sound odd, but it's true. I was going to note some lines that broke the flow of the piece, but I realized it wasn't the lines themselves; when you have such excessive rhyming, even the slightest variation in the lengths of two lines that rhyme seems to disrupt things, even when it otherwise wouldn't. The rhyme scheme is definitely the culprit.

backgroundbob wrote:Now, I recognize that fire is by nature not exactly dull, but you have got a slightly excessive amount of exclamation marks going on here.

Agreed.
I'd take another look at your punctuation and do a little revision there, take out a few (if not all) of the exclamation points, switch and add some commas and periods to where they should be, etc.
Keep writing!


*adna*

I like this; it has a high energy. The only con to the energy is that the poem is singsongy. The rhymes are nice, though.

The only other thing I would change is this part here:

Consuming,
Burning,
Destroying.
Turning what was green to black.

After "Destroying," I would put a comma instead of a period there. That's just my preference, though.

Nice work!

I LOVE IT! even though you spelt dispare wrong..........
nice piece!

i like your poem

though it raises many questions foremost in my mind is: why is this happening?
i know that this question is sometimes impossible to answer, but i know this one is possible to answer maybe add something about this happening in Austraila in the poem itself.

to me it sounds like you could start a novel with this idea (im not being rude promise) and have your characters trying to figure out why.

inndysgirl

Okay, I liked this. It was really descriptive and I love that. The only nit-pick I have is this:

Drops of fire, raining down,
Setting alight all the ground.
Consuming,
Burning,
Destroying.
Turning what was green to black.
Going,
Going,
Gone.
Melting everything away,
Disappearing this very day.
But wait! What's that you say?
A clap of thunder far away?

Between these two lines, I think there should be a space. I can't really justify why I think you should, I just think it would help with reading it. That's really the only excuse I have.

The drops of fire changing fast,
To drops of rainfall. Oh, at last!
Falling down they will extinguish,
Look! The fire has diminished!
But most is gone, all left is burned,
A great destruction now observed.
But not all is lost, there is still hope!
For a patch of green shows through the smoke!
A new beginning, an answered prayer,
The future to be, left from drops of despair And this word was spelt wrong so I fixed that.

Otherwise I think this was good!