Thunder stroke

A thousand stars stared back,
splattered on the pane
a disembodied cry called out,
but didn’t stop the rain.

The page in front so blank
while the world outside is full,
I need something to say,
A blast in a plunge pool.

Raging moors and purple skies
and still a white abyss.
Racing oars and ebbing shores,
Alas, no tempest.

Perhaps inspiration takes talent,
A catalyst for a bang.
Light bulbs that suddenly click,
A bell abruptly rang.

Extracting words like teeth,
My head begins to reel
And then, a thunder stroke!
I pick my pen up in appeal.

I am new to poetry myself, but I will give what advice I can.

but didn’t stop the rain.

I don't understand this bit. It doesn't really make a lot of sense and it may just be an excuse to find a rhyme with 'Pane'. This is a metaphor I am guessing, but what for? Try and make the meaning a bit clearer.

Alas, no tempest.

'Unforunately, no storm'? That doesn't really make any sense, unless of course you want a storm...

I think I get the meaning of the poem now actually! Is it about writing? I love the way you put it together, ever writer goes through this and not only is original, but the way you put everyting together puts the meaning in a perfect perspective.

I loooooved this! Tell me when you write more poetry!

Keep writing!

~D'Aedomir~

Oh crap. I wrote a lovely review and then my computer decided to be stupid. But I'll try to remember what I said...

A thousand stars stared back,
splattered on the pane.
A disembodied cry called out,
but didn’t stop the rain.

The page in front so blank
while the world outside is full[color=red.[/color]
I need something to say,
a blast in a plunge pool. I don't really get this line. Not that there's anything wrong with it, I just don't understand it.

Raging moors and purple skies,
and still a white abyss.
Racing oars and ebbing shores,
alas, no tempest.

Perhaps inspiration takes talent,
acatalyst for a bang.
Light bulbs that suddenly click,
a bell abruptly rang. You used the past tense in this line and it doesn't fit with the rest of the verse. I know you need it to be 'rang' for it to rhyme, but you need to change it somehow. Even if it was something as minor as "a bell that abruptly rang' it would make a difference.

Extracting words like teeth,
My head begins to reel[color=red].
And then, a thunder stroke!
I pick my pen up in appeal.

This is definately one of the best poems you've written in a little while. loved your subject! As you can see, I made some changes above, mostly little things. So, good job!


*adna*

Thanks for the comments guys, I literally wrote this in about ten minutes late one night so I'm going to do a serious re-draft and take my time with it.

Eimearxx

I really liked this! Often, I felt that the last line of each stanza didn't quite fit as far as meter goes, but other than that, it was a good poem.