Gone

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Hello, mohican!

There's really not much here for us to critique: though I am quite interested.

Elves who are not wise and vague and all that shiz! They might even be psychopathic!

Other than my ravings on fantasy originality, I can't say much here! "The story begins with a tempest." and then...nothing. That hurts. You really can't leave cliffhangers like that when coupled with such a lovely promise. D8

Some rather technical things:

This should be labeled as a prologue, as it doesn't do any real telling of a story. It's informative, and that's all.

When you post stories, the average number of words is 500-2000. There are... 182. It doesn't really give anyone much to critique, y'know?

Could you please send me a link when you update? I'm dying to find out what happens with the elves.

Cheers!

~Sumi

Wow, this was pretty cool. It makes perfect sense too, because after being exposed to lifetimes of hurt, its only natural for someone to get pissed at the world. It was really short, but I still liked it. If you would, PM me too when you get the next part up. I'd love to read it.

It sounds intriguing.

You might have wanted to give us an idea of what the plot was like, though.

This really caught my eye. I don't have too much to say about it actually. It seems to be a really good start. I can't wait to read the rest.

I like it! Please continue!

Maybe the first paragraph should be a little longer. Sorry to be such a kill joy. I really like your work though.

Trick

Hmmm.... As noted, there's not a lot to say here. One thing I can point out: first sentence needs some work. "Many years ago, there was..." is too cliche, and "stupid prince" should either be a different adjective or a different rank. Princes need a lot of work when you write about them, because usually they come out two dimensional. Stupid seems juvenille, so you might try "ignorant", "foolish", "misguided", or something of the sort. I like how it leads, yes, but it feels rough. Polish it a little, and PM me with the next installment or changes. Thanks- A.K.

Actaully I kinda liked the cheesey beginning, it reminded me somewhat like the opening of a Walt Disney movie. Expect it seems like there is no going to be no happy ending.

Keep up the work, and post a link to the next part when you are done.

I'm intrigued by this. The story seems original and I like the fact that you don't write in the typical third person pov.

Complaints:
I'm a little disappointed that you didn't elaborate just a little after the first sentence. It leaves me a little empty.

Few humans beside myself have dared to

That should be 'besides'.

There are a few more but I have to get going. I hope you continue with this!

Hi, there! I just reviewed your "chapter one" and I didn't even realize that there was a prologue! So here I am to review your prologue.

Few humans beside myself have dared to travel there in more recent times out of respect for its inhabitants, the elves.

I think you should change this to "Few humans, besides myself, have dared to travel there in more recent times out of respect for its inhabitants: the elves."

Their millennial cities have been abandoned and desecrated, their immortal life spans all but run out. Centuries of endless disaster had made them harsh and cruel to those who existed outside of their enclaves.

I know this is nipicky, but believe it or not, you're actually switching tenses here: notice how one sentence is in the present perfect (HAVE done) and the other is in the past perfect (HAD done)? Well, you need to fix that.

Other than that, I don't have much to say because there wasn't much to read! I'm not saying that it's a bad thing that your prologue is short (I actually like them better that way) I'm just explaining for the short review.

I really liked this! It intrigued me. Keep up the good work, and PM me when you post chapter 2!

Good luck!
~Azila~