Abusive Teen Relationships

I’m in a club called S.A.D.D (Students against destructive decisions) and my adviser asked me to write an article, about abusive teen relationships. Just hoping I could get some feedback on what people think about it.


Abusive Teen Relationships


It seems that with each passing year, young teens are facing more dangers everywhere they go. Whether it be drunk driving, or drugs; it seems that there is danger everywhere you turn. But there is another danger lurking right around the corner that young teens are becoming victims of everyday. It's called Abusive teen relationships. You hear about adults in abusive relationships all the time, no one ever really thinks that a teen can go through the same thing as well.
The worst part is that it’s happening right under our noses, but we are just too blind to see the signs. You could have a best friend going through it right now, and you don't even know it, because they are to scared or too ashamed to say anything about it. Or you could be going through it and not realize that you are in an abusive relationship. Being in an abusive relationship is not just being physically abused; it's emotional abuse as well. Being in an abusive relationship is all about power and control.
Here are some clear signs that you or someone you know is in or entering an abusive relationship: Using social status, by making all the decisions, and/or treating him/ her like a servant. Using intimidation; making someone afraid by using looks, actions, gestures, or smashing things. Using threats, by making and/or carrying out threats to hurt another person, or by threatening to leave, or commit suicide. Using isolation, or exclusion by controlling what you do, who you see or talk to, what you read, where you go, or limiting outside involvement, or using jealousy to justify his/her actions, or minimizing the blame, by making light of abuse, saying the abuse didn't happen, or saying that you caused the abuse yourself.
If you or anyone you know is involved in an abusive relationship, you need to seek help immediately. Don't be ashamed or scared to come forward and seek the help you need. Too many teens lose their lives because they are in an abusive relationship, because they think they are in love. Abuse is not love. For more information on teen abuse, please visit www.ncdsv.org.

Nice article! It was short but it got to the point. The only problem is (Yes, I know It's an article but...) it seemed really bland, like really bland. At the end it was little boring to read and the objective, I'm guessing, of this article is to get people to read and learn about abusive relationships. But if the article is a slow read they might just put it back on the shelf.

And a few other points:

It seems that with each passing year, young teens are facing more dangers everywhere they go. Whether it be drunk driving, or drugs; it seems that there is danger everywhere you turn.

The repetition here is noticeable, try wording your points differently so you don't get stale repetition.

You hear about adults in abusive relationships all the time, but no one ever really thinks that a teen can go through the same thing as well.

As you can see I added the word "but", I think it makes the sentence easier to understand.

Using social status, by making all the decisions, and/or treating him/ her like a servant. Using intimidation; making someone afraid by using looks, actions, gestures, or smashing things. Using threats, by making and/or carrying out threats to hurt another person, or by threatening to leave, or commit suicide. Using isolation, or exclusion by controlling what you do, who you see or talk to, what you read, where you go, or limiting outside involvement, or using jealousy to justify his/her actions, or minimizing the blame, by making light of abuse, saying the abuse didn't happen, or saying that you caused the abuse yourself

That whole section right there is weak and scrambled. After reading it a few times I finally understood what you were trying to say and I finally noticed the structure you were trying to create. Using the word "using" to introduce every point is fine, but it was confusing at first because I didn't realize that that's what you were you doing. Try breaking it up like this:

Using social status

And then listing all the ways they can do that...

Using intimidation

And then listing all the ways they can do that...

And so on and so on. I think it would make it feel less cluttered.

Overall I think you have a good start to a really informative article. Good luck!

All right, the first thing I noticed about this article is that it was really long, then when I read through it, I realized that there were actually several paragraphs. Put spaces between the paragraphs, please, so you don't scare off readers.

The next thing I noticed was that you never really tell us what abusive relationships are. Give an example, though, and a general description; don't just copy a definition (those are torture to read.) There are many people who won't know what this is; I only have a fuzzy idea of it.

It seems that with each passing year, young teens are facing more and more dangers everywhere they go; drunk driving, drugs, rape, it seems that there is danger everywhere. (Don't go from teens to you; keep it at they.)[s]you turn. But t[/s]There is another danger lurking right around the corner that young teens are becoming victims of everyday, though: abusive teen relationships. [s]It's called Abusive teen relationships.[/s]

For some reason, this sounded like a run-on sentence with periods sprinkled in to me. I sugguest joining some sentences, or starting them differently, like I showed above, just so it sounds more split up.

You hear about adults in abusive relationships all the time, no one ever really thinks that a teen can go through the same thing as well.

You may want to make adults into married couples, or something of the sort, because as I read that, I was thinking, 'uh, no, I haven't.' Then I thought of all the mothers that are abused and realized that I had. Wife's are usually what come to people's minds first, and (I think this may just be me, though,) people may not understand that first sentence at first if they just think of adults.

Good point about teens, though; people never really consider that.

The worst part about abusive relationships is that it[s]’s[/s] can be happening right under our noses, but we are just too blind to see the signs. You could have a best friend going through it right now, and you [s]don't[/s] wouldn't even know it, because they are to scared or [s]too [/s]ashamed to say anything about it. [s]Or y[/s]You could be going through it and not realize that you are in an abusive relationship [explain why you wouldn't know here?] Being in an abusive relationship is not just [s]being[/s] about physical[s]ly[/s] abuse[s]d[/s]; it's emotional abuse as well. Being in an abusive relationship is all about power and control.

I added 'about abusive relationships' because you went back to that subject, when you were discussing how no one thinks of teens at first.

Also, I changed part of it to 'about physical abuse' instead of 'about being physically abused,' because you're not talking about them being abused, you're talking about abuse. (Hope that made sense...)

Also, the last sentence could be a little clearer; just add that it is the person doing the abusing that is after power and control.

Here are some clear signs that you or someone you know is in or entering an abusive relationship: Using social status, by making all the decisions, and/or treating him/ her like a servant. Using intimidation; making someone afraid by using looks, actions, gestures, or smashing things. Using threats, by making and/or carrying out threats to hurt another person, or by threatening to leave, or commit suicide. Using isolation, or exclusion by controlling what you do, who you see or talk to, what you read, where you go, or limiting outside involvement, or using jealousy to justify his/her actions, or minimizing the blame, by making light of abuse, saying the abuse didn't happen, or saying that you caused the abuse yourself.

Wow...that was a lot to read, and truth be told, I skimmed. I don't believe you should do what hekategirl suggested, though (sorry, hekategirl!) I'm not really sure what to say, so I'm just going to put what I'd do, because I'm too lazy to do more slashing out and bolding. It just needs to be organized a bit better; the information is good.

There are many signs that someone you know is entering an abusive relationship; they may use social status, intimidation, threats, and isolation.

You should let people know what you're talking about before you talk about it; just like what those annoying English teachers tell you for essays.

When someone is using social status, they [do what? Fill this in with a general thing, like use their popularity to bring others down, but why would they? Stuff like that...] They can make people afraid with just a look or action (smashing things is an action, so you don't need to add that.) Using threats is when they [again, put in a general description.] They might make and/or carry out promises (couldn't think of a better word, you might be able to, or just use threats again, but that's a little repetative) to harm another person, threaten to leave, or attempt suicide. (They don't actually have to succeed.) Using isolation is when they [again, general description.] They may control what you do, who you talk to, who you see, what you read, or where you go. (Limiting outside involvement is who you see/who you talk to.) They often use jealousy (too many 'or's' at this point,) to justify his/her actions, or at least minimize the blame. Some may even try to make light of the abuse, saying that it didn't happen or that you caused it. (Isn't this something else? By saying that it's your fault, it's not really threats...)

All right, that was long, but it organizes it a little better. Feel free to ignore me (as always) if you wish, but this is just something so it's not so overwhelming to read.

If you or anyone you know is involved in an abusive relationship, you need to seek help immediately. Don't be ashamed or scared to come forward and seek the help you need. Too many teens lose their lives because they are in an abusive relationship, because they think they are in love. Abuse is not love. For more information on teen abuse, please visit www.ncdsv.org.

Nice ending; just like a real article.



All right, so, I was very nit-picky. The third paragraph was your weakest point, so if you fix that up, you'll do fine. You need to be sure people will really read this; it's very important for teens to know. Feel free to ask me if you have any questions, I'm not too sure I was clear in here...

Good luck!

Never use 1st or 2nd person words. Never use words like "worst" because this is expressing an opinion. You also never use cliche's like "right under our noses".
These are AP style and always apply unless you are writing an editorial or column in which case all of these rules can be broken. For example in your case I personally think the worst part about abusive relationships is they can cause mental instability and potentially lead to suicidal or homicidal thoughts. A rule that always applies in all articles is that you never sue contractions. In my newspaper we say "Contractions on exist in economics and childbirth".


Also a general rule of thumb. Whenever you are unsure of the facts about how rampant a something is, you can get away with anything by just saying words like "often", "occasionally", "sometimes", and in some cases "rarely". However always avoid absolutes because all it takes is one example to prove you wrong.


The entire section that I removed should be replaced with a simplified paragraph and a sidebar or graphic since this part is so boring and difficult to read it made me tired of editing it.

Finally, seeing as this type of article should be a feature you would need quotes between every paragraph to lead into the next. In journalism you want to use the LQT model for writing features and news articles. Where you use the first paragraph(s) to introduce the topic using various narrative hooks which you immediately follow with a quote about your topic and then a transition paragraph followed by another quote each with more specific information than the paragraph before. This is called the Inverted Pyramid Model and is a reversal of the writing model for research papers where you start out with your facts and then build you ideas around that (therefore starting with more specific thoughts and ending with general statements).

Rock n' Roll Queen wrote: It seems that with each passing year, young teens are facing more dangers everywhere they go. Whether it be drunk driving, or drugs; danger everywhere they turn. But there is another danger lurking right around the corner that young teens are becoming victims of everyday. It's called Abusive teen relationships. You hear about adults in abusive relationships all the time, no one ever really thinks that a teen can go through the same thing as well.
Teenage abusive relationships often happen without notice by society. A teen could have a best friend going through one right now, and they may not even know it. This is because the teen in the abusive relationship is often too scared or too ashamed to say anything about it. Any teen could be experiencing one and not realize that they are in an abusive relationship. Being in an abusive relationship is not just being physically abused; it's emotional abuse as well. Being in an abusive relationship is all about power and control. The only way to break this control is know the warning signs.

I stopped editing here

If you or anyone you know is involved in an abusive relationship, you need to seek help immediately. Don't be ashamed or scared to come forward and seek the help you need. Too many teens lose their lives because they are in an abusive relationship, because they think they are in love. Abuse is not love. For more information on teen abuse, please visit www.ncdsv.org.

I do not edit for content/word choice beyond journalistic standards.

Nice article. But you have to break up some information though.

It's a good informative article.

It's nice to know that somebody actually cares to write about abusive teen relationships that aren't necessarily physical.

Yours truly,
Memento Mori

I agree mostly with what everyone else has said. The only thing I can think of to add is that your next to last sentence "Abuse is not love." is profound, and should not be followed by what comes after it: "for more information on...". Put that later. If this is a flyer, like the ones you see at nurse's offices and in waiting rooms, this should go near the bottom and top of the page. Leave that next to last sentence, as it's clear, restates basically everything, and leaves you focused. I loved the way someone (you) spoke out about this topic. Next to drugs and guns, this equally important theme is often ignored! Continue your work, please. It'll help.

You've got the basics here, but as was said before, include examples. I'd recommend doing a little more research, or even quoting some of the research, like how many girls surveyed admit to being raped by their partners, that sort of thing. Also explain why these people don't simply leave the relationship. I don't remember the exact number, but I think on average, people try to get out of abusing relationships like this about nine times before they actually escape.

If you can and have the space for it, be anecdotal. In your research, I'm sure you would find some specific examples of what people have gone through. It will also make it more real to the readers.

It was a little bland for my liking. I think you need to add some more stuff, give some examples of abusive teenage relationships, and maybe even tell about some things that you have seen or done. Telling first hand exspiriences really help convince the reader that what you are talking about is real. I think it was a little too 'simple' if you know what I mean.

Good job, though. I'm glad other teens know this is wrong and that they're trying to make sure every one else know that too.

Keep writing!