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This is a poem based on a part of one story I'm writing. Not too sure on it to be honest.
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Intricate detail might be a little too much to take right now
Yet watch his eyes as the watch the mirror
Then shift to his free hand and watch his fingers slips
Let's hope someone spots what is on the road ahead


Now seriously, see what he saw
Watch hand slide up leg
On the backseat
And, really now, we see the detail


So watch what falls out his back pocket and everyone gets the wrong impression
No but I mean really look at his lips and then,
Do you see a collision?


Really though, your eyes should be looking ahead
That's the real crash
But no jealousy is more important


Now honestly is the time to zoom out though,
Cause seriously
That's a crash you're setting yourself up for




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-Save-Ferris- wrote:This is a poem based on a part of one story I'm writing. Not too sure on it to be honest.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



Intricate detail might be a little too much to take right now
Yet watch his eyes as the watch the mirror
Then shift to his free hand and watch his fingers slips
Let's hope someone spots what is on the road ahead


Now seriously, see what he saw
Watch hand slide up leg
On the backseat
And, really now, we see the detail


So watch what falls out his back pocket and everyone gets the wrong impression
No but I mean really look at his lips and then,
Do you see a collision?


Really though, your eyes should be looking ahead
That's the real crash
But no jealousy is more important


Now honestly is the time to zoom out though,
Cause seriously
That's a crash you're setting yourself up for


Hmm...This can be improved by a lot. Fix the rythm and words up a bit. Keep up the good work!

-Rick




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im not trying to be mean or anything but this poem makes no sense to me you might want to consider reviewing it and make it more understandable




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Reviews 48



This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much all of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
— Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy