life

I made this poem when i was just fooling around and, you have to let it come to you. If not, it's going to be bad, my experience.

~

Clouded Care

As I watch the clouds above I wonder,
Why can’t I?
I am the one that can strive above the rest,
So why can’t I fly above the people in their nest?
Feeling the freedom flowing through my veins,
I can sense your pain erupting because you’re insane.
You have your thoughts regarded they are looked over or thought out.
We need to be cared for one way in love or fought out.
Mortals come and go,
With a mark on this world or not we’ll never know.
Heaven may be our goal to go,
But without a dream we may as well die in sorrow.
Now as we watch the clouds above,
Wonder,
What will I do as I go?

I like the idea behind this.

But I think some of the lines have too many syllables, and the next line after have too little. It's not very balanced.

It's also a little too literal for me, but I really do like the idea.

Good one.

You're only eleven! How are you on this site? Your not allowed unless your thirteen or older you know?
Anyways, back to the review...
I liked your poem, it has a lot of originality, and personality to it too; tells us how you think and what kind of ideas you can come up with.
Nice job!
shanan-cat!

Ya this site is only for 12 to 25. I really liked you poem though, you got talent.