who's
WHOSE who's is a contraction for 'who is'
the irony made her vivd green eyes sparkle,
I don't understand why it is ironic. Perhaps you should elaborate on it a bit more to help the reader understand.
*^*^*^^*^
If this is a scene break, I would reccomend replacing it with a solid '#'.
You trust it to take care of you and it will.
I would say that an 'if' at the start would make more sense.
Feedback questions
1) Did you find Yazra's mother's metaphor on the birds and the bees to be a bit long?
2) What scene, if any, did you find could benefit from more description?
3) What do you think of Yazra so far?
___
1) It was alright, but to be honest, I think it was a bit irrelavant to the storyline. The bit about her dad I think is alright, it gives a more humorous twist.
2) I think the description was spot on, except for the start when maybe a bit of info about the room she was in, along with the man would be beneficial. I would like to know how he died, not too OTT with the violence, just a brief line would do it
3) I like her, and I think there is a lot of history, but to be honest I need to know a bit more of what's going through her head. This is great for it, I feel however that it just lacks a bit of 'emotion'. Sad? Happy?
Good luck, I think the plot is great and you really deserve some great credit here. Well done!
Keep Writing!
~D'Aedomir~