Ambition

Ambition

A soul-cry in agony
behind bitter melodies.
Raised in sweet golden tones
copper to green.
Decomposition doesn't care
what it consumes.
Age takes its hold.
It shakes me gently,
I go on with it,
the only thing left to do.
The kinetic has been
less all along.
Climax turned anti-climax.
The tears are left to tear
the remainder of my ambition.

I really liked this. The flow is great, your imagery is beautiful, and I love how you've expressed yourself.I especially loved;

"Climax turned anti-climax. "
and
"copper to green".

It's vague, but I think this adds to the beauty of it. I wish I could be more helpful, but I really can't see anything I'd change...

Not a bad poem at all, darling, you do some clever things with words and images, but my personal preference is for a poem that has a little more of a story or narrative (this is just my own taste, you understand). Still, it would be nice if you had a little more...I don't know, continuity? You leave the reader with a proverbial good taste in their mouth, I'm just having trouble pinning down what that taste is.

Oh, two small things:
"tears are left to tear" -- really like this, good alliteration and wordplay
"behind bitter melodies" -- ditto

Hey yoyo!

Well, really it's not a bad poem. It's got some good imagery and some outside references and that is wonderful. However, while I'm reading it I feel very "waa waa waa poor me" about it, and it kind of makes me hate it. I have no idea why I have this feeling, I just do haha. I think the last line may have done it in for me with the 'poor me' analogy...consider changing the direction the last two lines take. Also "climax turned anti-climax" has too many had syllables in it, I don't think it's possible to put 'climax' in one line twice.

Sorry I can't be more helpful than that! I hope you understood what I mean? If not shoot me a PM and I'll try to explain it haha.

Happy Editing!

Hello! ^^

Man, you're asking me to review after Jasmine, Gyr, and Via looked over it? LOL, they're crits will top mine. I'd bet almost anything! (My YWS account is not one to bet with )

Anyway...

It shakes me gently, [semi instead?]
I go on with it, [dash instead?]
the only thing left to do.

Like this, I was thinking:

It shakes me gently;
I go on with it--
the only thing left to do.

Word makes the dashes one big dash, if you use MS Word. ^^; If not, copy/paste this (I know, sneaky ) if you're willing to use one: —

A soul-cry in agony
behind bitter melodies.

This is the only other thing that caught my attention that no one else mentioned. I had to read this a few times and I still don't know what it's really saying. A soul is in agony? A soul cries in agony? Maybe it's a poetry thing...lol

I didn't find much else. It was short, though. I liked it and seeing it end made me sad. You could sooo write more.

Sorry this wasn't much help. I'm no poet (view my portfolio and you'll see ).

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Heyhey, this (If I have indeed interpretated it correctly) is a really interesting insight into Ambition.

I enjoyed the imagery and descriptive language, especially this line

The tears are left to tear
the remainder of my ambition.

That's quite supberb to be honest. Nice one!

So well done, you made me feel moved!

Eimearxx