Did I?

Just curious--why did you italicize this entire poem? Was there a stylistic purpose? If you don't have a reason better than 'It looks cool!' then you need to get rid of it. ^_~

Now, onto the poem.

There's really no point in going line-by-line, or even stanza-by-stanza, with this one. In fact, I can summarize my entire reaction to it in one word: cliche.

Nothing about this poem makes it stand out from the million and a half other navelgazing ditties written by amateur writers. There's barely any imagery, aside from the puppy thing, which is sort of ludicrous; also, the speaker's plight, while I suppose it's universal in a sense, carries no special meaning to the reader, because this poem is about you, not anything that someone who's never met nor even heard of you would be able to identify with.

Better luck next time?

Hi Adna--

Unfortunately, Em is right.

There really isn't anything here that hasn't been said before in a better way. My biggest pet peeve, though, is that you have a 4 line stanza with 7 words in it...it really don't work that way. Also, there is a completely lack of poetic elements here: no similies, no metaphors, no imagery, no carefully chosen diction...nothing.

In order to make something work that is cliche' like this, you have to be really, really creative. It has to be so unique people don't even notice it's cliche'. Unfortunately, you didn't hit that here.

My suggestion would be to read lots and lots of poetry and then try to mimic something you liked...and then eventually you will be able to put your own productive style (after it's learned) into your pieces!

Good luck.

You're absolutely right. I would even know how to begin fixing this.
I think the only reason I posted this and thought it was worth anything is because I had a certain fondness for it because of the story behind it.
Thanks for the advice, anyway.

I like it

why thank you