I'm not even a girl and I think that it's really cool. A word that others were using is "morbid", and that seemed to fit. I liked how it got darker and darker until you were talking about imminent death and such. It carried across the emotion of that situation pretty well. I haven't come across many works on this site that I've really liked, but yours was definitely pretty sweet. Keep writing.
He thrusts his fists against the posts
And still insists he sees the ghosts
Damn only one word to describe this piece is wow, i really like your use of wording and how you explian her feelings it a great one good job and hope to hear more on this piece.
"was suddenly aware of how full they weer"
Im guessing that's supposed to be "were".
and...
"Your kisses were exctacy" should be spelt "ecstasy"
Apart from those small errors, i really like this. It's pretty captivating stuff. Good work
"Sometimes we see a cloud that's dragonish,
A vapour sometimes like a bear or lion,
A towered citadel, a pendant rock,
A forked mountain, or blue promontory,
With trees upon't that nod unto the world,And mock our eyes with air.."
wow, i cant believe how much feeling was in that piece. It was sad but at the same time it was so understandable. So many girls go through that atachment you have made so real in your writing. Great job!
"dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today." James Dean
Over all i love ti! But seriously, ha ha, begin it in word. You've made so many mistakes which could have been picked up through even spell check.
Unless you had it turned off?
I can just imagine it all as it happens, and the words you use are simply amazing. Good structure, but is this actually going to be a story? if so replace 'this is how it began' with a prologue or something like that. Maybe a quick chapter. If not, and this is under construction with no real aim for it right now, then it's fine.
