Chapter One Kelly Jo’s Castle
Mama leaned against the sink, drawing the back of her hand across her lined forehead. Daddy was staring into a wine glass full of Bob’s Beer. He was still wearing his work boots and coveralls, which meant he had just come in from the barn. He twirled the wine glass in his hands, staring at the psychedelic rendition of the linoleum through the stem. “What’re we gonna do, Jean? The girl needs an education, she can’t just. . .run wild."
“Maybe things will get easier as she gets older. She’s only eight. Maybe she’ll, I don’t know, get less retarded or something.” Her hands flew to her face, wiping away a big elephant tear that threatened to break her iron composure. “Paul. . .”
He set down the wine glass and enfolded her in his arms, whispering into her ear, promising the world to her. Mama gave in and cried, cried until her whole body convulsed with sobs. And Daddy held her, moving his hand up and down her back, until it became clear that he, too was crying.
Daddy smiled and wiped his hands on the hips of his overalls, watching her. He was waiting for a sign, some little indication that his daughter was alive, alive in the way other girls were alive, the way her sisters were. Kelly Jo looked around the little barn through a curtain of oily blonde hair. She did not smile, did not reach out to touch the dolls or the crayons or the play tea set. She just looked.
“Happy birthday, honey,” he said. “Do you like it? I made it just for you. You know, so you’d have somewhere special to come, to be alone.” She did not smile. She did not seem to understand that this was her birthday, that she was nine now. She couldn’t see that this was her place, her castle. Daddy stepped out of the barn. “You have fun now, honey. I’ll be out with the cows. You just holler if you need anything, okay?”
He left her standing there, hoping that she would slowly become more comfortable, that she would explore once he left. She had to. He had spent months renovating the old storage barn into a little girl’s fantasy, just so Kelly Jo would have somewhere to go to be away from the constant taunting of her older sister. But as he walked heavily away from Kelly Jo’s castle, he knew that when he came back after cleaning out the stalls, he would find her standing right where he left her, just staring.
“Lord, we thank you for this wonderful meal, and for the love we have in our family, and for your grace this day and every day. Amen.”
Mama said Amen, and so did Debbie and little Ashley. Kelly Jo said nothing.
Debbie scooped a big helping of mashed potatoes onto her plate as if the stifling silence did not touch her. She ran her hand over her new bouffant hair do; she was only twelve but she already dressed like a broad. Mama sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “How was school, Deb?”
“Cool. Great. Far out. Pass the peas.”
Daddy passed them. “Don’t be glib, Deborah. Your mother asked you a question and we expect a straight answer, none of this sarcasm.”
Debbie smiled falsely. She forked some peas into her mouth and said, with her mouth full, “The retard got a swirly.”
Mama felt something in her heart jump into her throat. She glanced protectively at Kelly Jo, who was demurely eating her ham. “Deborah we will not tolerate you talking about your sister like that. She’s not retarded. She’s just a little slower than you are.”
“Yeah. She’s a retard.”
Daddy dropped his fork. “Go to your room, Debbie. You and I are going to have a talk after the rest of us finish dinner.”
Debbie did not move. She chewed a mouthful of peas, swallowed languidly and pushed her chair away from the table. She walked around the table to Kelly Jo’s seat and smacked her on the back of the head. “Retard.” And she ran up the stairs. A few moments passed and then there followed the sound of a door slamming.
Kelly Jo did not respond to the smack. She did not cry, or glance up at her parents. She merely took a sip of milk and placed her hands in her lap.
Silence fell. Daddy didn’t dare move, lest he disturb some rule of silence. Mama watched little Ashley, who was looking curiously at Kelly Jo. Finally, Ashley shattered the fragile silence. “Daddy, what’s retarded mean?”
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more coming!
