You and Me

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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 9
Each night I think of you before I close my eyes,
and I'm drenched with an unexplainable joy.
I wish that I could tell you how much you mean to me
but there's a million things silencing my lips.

Every single moment, you're somewhere in my mind
Every single second, you take up more and more of my time

Chorus:
Can't escape, can't hide
In a way I don't want to try
You lift me up, make me soar...
For a minute I believe I can fly.
Can't escape, can't hide
I don't want to say goodbye.
Cause when i'm loving you
I feel so much more alive.

We started out on parallel roads, always side by side
Never crossing paths, never meeting at one point.
One day the world tipped toward my side, you fell into my life.
It was the best thing that ever happened to me

Every single moment, you're somewhere in my mind.
Every single second, you take up more and more of my time.

Chorus.
- 满地回忆的碎片 -




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 140
Hi Cherish,

eventhough there are a lot of songs like this one out there, I like this.
There are a couple things I might change:
I underlined parts I might reword.


Each night I think of you before I close my eyes,
and I'm drenched with an unexplainable joy.
I wish that I could tell you how much you mean to me
but there's a million things silencing my lips.


What is silencing the 'you's lips? is the question that popped in my head reading this. You never say...


Every single moment, you're somewhere in my mind
Every single second, you take up more and more of my time


I really like these lines.

Chorus:
Can't escape, can't hide [from what?]
In a way I don't want to try[Nice line.]
You lift me up, make me soar...
For a minute I believe I can fly. [overused, but it kind of fits here..]
Can't escape, can't hide
I don't want to say goodbye. [Do you have to? This kind of comes out of nowhere..]
Cause when i'm loving you [Maybe change this to:'Cause when I'm in love with you'?]
I feel so much more alive.


We started out on parallel roads, always side by side
Never crossing paths, never meeting at one point.
One day the world tipped toward my side, you fell into my life.
It was the best thing that ever happened to me


This is a completely different image than in the first verse, but I think it's nice!
I really like the first three lines, but I think the last one is kind of weak.

Over all I like this, but I think you might want to add alittle more. Other than that: Good job!

Keep it up!

~Kalli



how insane i exist in rooms i'm not in at the moment
— fatherfig