my first song

My First Song

Once i thought
My life was good
But then it
Turned away
It all turned
Black and bad for me
I really should
have stayed

CHORUS

I betrayed my love,
For a better life
I really wish
I did'nt go
because he made
Me feel alive

When we faught
in the park that day,
It really made me sad
I blamed it all
on you not me
I acted really bad

CHORUS


i was really foolish
And i never thought
Of you
If you left me all alone
I don't know what i'd do

CHORUS




it's not very good
but please don't be too hard on me
lol

This is an ok song but I am unsure what the chorus is. Is it this:

"Once i thought
My life was good
But then it
Turned away
It all turned
Black and bad for me
I really should
have stayed"

Or is it something else?

It was okay except for this part:

"It really made me sad
I blamed it all
on you not me
I acted really bad "

The "sad" and "bad" rhyme was kind of cringe-worthy.

I thought the song was okay...better than what I could have done...LOL! My lyrics are crap.

i agree with emotionless, but it was pretty good

You're song is great! You just need meaning
My friend, I'm here to help!
I think the lines were a bit too short. Here's a tip-

Tip: Sometimes, as in this case, your words in these lyrics are straight forward a bit too much. What would make it become more better is if you "Put in feeling" behind the words. You know...like "Reading between the lines"?
Each verse is saying basically the same thing. So, if you're talking about fighting and being alone and what you feel- try adding in more emotion to it. I'm not sure how...because it's your story...it's your lyrics.
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder " - some one that is not me. ^.^
I liked it
~Pacific