Just Sometimes

2 posts
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Gender Female
Points 640
Reviews 19
Every body trips and has times where they fall.
And are so worthy but feels so small.
Sometimes it's so hard to live stable and stay on track
And it's even harder when your feeling screwed and no ones got your back.
you're holding on but you feel you're going to slip
you're hanging from a fossit and one sudden shake can cause a drip.
You've been hit with low words that leaves you bruised
And you feel lost without trust you feel broken and used.
What will you do now? all you can do is fight!
I know you're slipping but keep on holding tight.
If you're looking for love in a real life friend
just know i will be there till the very end. :D




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 196
Every body trips and has times where they fall.
And are so worthy but feel[s]s[/s] so small.
Sometimes it's so hard to live stable and stay on track.
And it's even harder when you're feeling screwed and no ones got your back.
You're holding on but you feel you're going to slip.
You're hanging from a fossit and one sudden shake can cause a drip.
You've been hit with low words that leave[s]s[/s] you bruised
And you feel lost without trust; you feel broken and used.
What will you do now? All you can do is fight!
I know you're slipping, but keep on holding tight.
If you're looking for love in a real life friend
just know that I will be there till the very end.


Hey there, anna. As an overall opinion of this piece, I didn't really find anything interesting. I didn't feel whatever emotion you were trying to show us. I'm sure you could make this a lot better if you used different wording, some wording with deeper meaning that will send the reader reeling. This seemed more like something I would have read to my class in seventh grade, not be rude or offensive. Use some different metaphors and throw in a few similes. You'll be good to go. :)

Also, you had some punctuation issues in there, but I didn't point them out because I'm sure you can find them on your own. Look over a few poems and study the structure of poetry. The key factor for making a story or poem weak, in my opinion, is bad structure. :wink: Tidy that up and work on your imagery. After that, you'll be good to go.

Best wishes!

~*Sydney*~
Formerly known as Silly Sydstix... as well as Aquarius Angel.



I'm effortlessly ironic.
— Link Neal