My Knight in Epitome Armor

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Although it might not SEEM like it, me and Vernon argue.
I began this days ago... but didn't actually finish it until we stopped arguing. I was writing this as we argued...

Knight in Epitome Armor
by Elizabeth Mathers
1/11/08

Words that exist cannot express
sentimental and eternal devotion with
their translucent definitions which, undeniably,
roil down through the fine wrinkles
in the palm of a hand aged by passion.

A providence gives majestic flight to
A relentless dream that refuses to wane
And thin, delicate, souls weep in the afterlife
For a possession not stirred awake by
Their empathetic tears which innocently
Trill down marble staircases onto chrysanthemums.

Your eyes are a heaven, an eternity of
Ambrosial harmonies mixed in with the
Bittersweet scent of peonies and roses
Near a fountain of turquoise and coral
Where I can lay kisses upon lilies.

Not even the radiance of Luna may
Shade the splendor of a form which stands,
So patiently, by the weeping willows near
A creek, which glistens like fireflies that
Long for one another, so much in love.

Forgiveness comes as easy as
Admitting our flaws and entrusting our hopes
Into a seamstresses hands as she
Crafts and conceives imperial robes
From the torn, rigid burlap which lays hidden
Underneath the soles of beggars abused feet.

Promises no longer involve dancing over
The splintering silvery crystals that
Once was a travesty of depression.

Hopes to find my knight in epitome armor
Came true, as the clouds evanescence, and
Paradise's angels graced us and united us
For a greater purpose, as Soul-mates, than to just
Rot away as common mortals tend to do.




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Oh god that's wonderful... So meaningful so beautiful. You're my Goddess and when we meet it shall be perfect.

Okay as for errors 'roil' is that suppose to be roll? That's all I can see.

I love you Elizabeth i just love you so much more than life.
We get off to the rhythm of the trigger and destruction. Fallujah to New Orleans with impunity to kill. We are the hidden fist of the free market.
We are the ink, we are the quill.
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What words can be be used to describe this? Let's start with beautiful, followed immediately by wonderful.

The imagery is just stunning, using just enough to create a perfect image without overcrowding the mind, and the word choice is to die for. I'm looking over the poem quite a few times writing this review, but I can't find anything wrong with it. Truely beautiful.
"Put to rest all that's not life
Drink for beauty and fill my blank page..."

Cadence of Her Last Breath - Nightwish




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I agree. This is beautiful and magical and fabulous and brilliant and your imagery is great. Since I'm finicky, I'd suggest changing the first line to;
"Existing words cannot express."
and changing "upon lilies" to "on lilies" as I think it works slightly better with the rhythm.
Other than that I really can't fault this. A really wonderful piece.
"Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise."
-Maya Angelou




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Yeah...
I'm a very wordy person. My History teacher hates me for it.
And thanks very much for the suggestions :)
---EMM




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That was really good. I'm not much for love story poems, but your poem changed my view on them. I actually read it about 10 times to find any mistakes. The only thing I found was, yes, it was too wordy. I know reviews aren't supposed to just be a "This is so good! Keep writing!" but that's really the only thing I can say at the moment. Um...keep writing?
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Really quite good, though I'm not sure why you dropped to three lines in the second to last stanza. The only thing that is a little jarring, and it is hard to avoid, is changing lines at an awkward place in the middle of a sentence.
Not even the radiance of Luna may
Shade the splendor of a form which stands,
So patiently, by the weeping willows near
A creek, which glistens like fireflies that
Long for one another, so much in love.

For instance, in this stanza (which was probably my favorite) there is really only one sentence, which is fine, but the break between the third and fourth lines is particularly noticeable.

The cadence that poetry
lends itself to usually involves
slight pauses at the end
of each line you speak.
Pausing in certain places
is not pleasing to the ear.
Though in others
it delights the senses.

Also--seamstresses should be seamstress' or seamstress's

Love it :-)
Be not the first by whom the new are tried, nor yet the last to lay the old aside. -Alexander Pope




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Hmm... an interesting piece of poetry, to say the very least.

There isn't too much to say to fix this poem, except that, (as MyrddinDerwydd pointed out,) seamstresses probably be changed to seamstress' or seamstress's, and if you could find a way to make the 3 sentence stanza a bit longer, you'll basically be fine.

Other than that, it's great. Keep it up!




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you have a uniqe style that you need to push and show what it can really do if you thought of this easily i would like to see what happens when you let your mind run free in a matter of speaking
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When your heart gets pierced with arrows, don't rip them out and pierce those around you in retribution for your hurt. You'll only unnecessarily wound others and bleed to death yourself.
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