alone

alone

I stand upon a planet in space
So silent, and not a trace
There is nothing
No sound, no civilisation
All i can do,is try to be patient
Then! ,i see movement
I think to myself
I'm not alone,
There is someone out there
I shout,but there us no sound
I try to move .i can't
I'm trapped
They go past and away
I'm alone again and alone i'll stay

I like it!! YAY it's good! The layout is a little off, but i'll show you how i'd set it out. i just think that the layout really improves a poem.

I stand upon a planet in space
So, so silent, and not a trace
There is nothing.
No sound, no civilisation
All I can do,
Is try to be patient
Then
I see movement
I think to myself:
I'm not alone,
There is someone out there.
I shout, but there is no sound
I try to move.
I can't.
I'm trapped.
They go past and away,
I'm alone again,
And alone I'll stay.

:thumb: i love this one!!

I like this poem too. I agree with Harvey's layout suggestions, except the "So, so" part. Good job! :thumb:

The comment I had about your otehr poem aplies here as well. It's okay, but it didn't really grasp what you wanted to say very well.

I think this is your best poem yet Rachel!!! I loved it.

~Lollipop~

I agree with everyone this is great!!! and I agree with Harly's layout suggestions bt this is very nice