I hate Life

I hate my life
I hate it so bad I wanna cry
I never want to be anyone
I just rather be gone.

"Please dear God,
Save me from this place.
A place people call home.
This is a place to be alone."

Life sucks this I know
Work sucks I hate that so
I wanna go some place far far away
I just want to leave this place some day.

People drive me crazy and mad
They think i am all bad.
This is why my life sucks
Cause all the people in my life hate me

Some people think I am crazy
That is what your immature minds think.
You think your better than everyone else
This is why I hate life

I hate my life!
I hate my life!

I couldn't find anything to critique. It was very good.

Terrible. If you can't see the forest from the inside of your navel, don't write poetry.



My instinct wants me to leave it at that, but I'll try to tell you why this is so bad. But I advise you to heed my advice, because you'll just keep running blindly into this trap.

I. Why should the reader care a fig about the writer? If you don't provide a compelling reason for your work to be read, then it won't be read. Ask and you shall recieve.

II. This topic is cliched. If you cannot provide a new angle on such an overdone topic, it ain't worth writing.

III. There is no imagery. There is no alliteration. There was no turn of phrase. It can work, but usually, telling it like it is, is boring.

Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, read some other poetry before continuing. Cade, Incandescense, Rigel, Penguinattack, Cyrsi, Gadi, are all capable poets. Dig up some of there work, heat up some hot chocolate and learn.

P.S. Never heard the expression "can't see the forest for the trees"?

P.P.S. Emo poetry gets reivews fast!

smorgishborg wrote:Terrible. If you can't see the forest for from the inside of your navel don't write poetry.

I'm afraid that I agree with smorgish here. This is...not very good. I get the feeling that you wrote this in an angry mood and just posted it to vent your feelings.
There's nothing wrong with venting your feelings into poetry. But really, it should be in the blog. I, as the reader, feel no sympathy towards you as I read this. I can't relate. You wrote this way too much for you, as oppose to your audience. You need to give us reasons to care about your problems, or else we won't.

I don't think you can save this. -_- But better luck next time, and maybe think a little more before posting?

- Camille

Poetry isn't meant to be a "woe-is-me" fest. True it is an expression of your emotions, but is an act of sharing them with the reader, not crying on them and trying to see if they'll relate to you. Why does your life suck? Why is everything so bad? You would have to be more exact and less abstract and, honestly, less whiny for me to actually care about what you had to say if you were going to write a poem like this.

This is like a blog post, not a poem. Poetry should be beautiful and share something with the reader. I am terribly sorry for being so harsh, but it is the horrible truth. Try picking up a book on poetry and reading through it, or go look for something by Longfellow, he's an amazing poet. Read poetry, and find out what it is really all about, before picking up your pen again. You're a new poet, I can guess, and poetry is a very hard thing to do. You have to prepare and learn what it is before you can try to write it.

This had little insight beyond the fact that the subject dislikes his/her life. Honestly, it read like a whiny rant. There's little meditation on what's so bad about said life, and that's where this runs into problems. Right now, it's all about the subject "you" (the "me" in the poem) and while that might work well enough for "you", the rest of "us" aren't left with anything. Seems a bit one-sided, eh? ^_^

Try rewriting this without the rhymes and maybe concentrate more on a specific incident. You might also want to spend a bit of time reading poetry, to see how others have pulled it off. If you like, I'm sure that I or others could recommend some!

I don't know if my big red EMO stamp has seen anything this juicy before.

I completely agree with smorg. What he said is totally correct (and I'm flattered that he listed me as a "capable poet"). But really.

Next time you want to write a poem about how life sucks, show us, don't tell us. The difference between telling and showing is the difference between saying, "This pie is yummy," and shoving a piece of pie into someone's mouth. As a poet, you don't want to say, "Life sucks"--that does no more for the reader than saying, "The pie is yummy."
But if you capture the harshness and pain of living in one moment, one image, we'll infer that life can, well, suck sometimes. So next time, instead of talking about how mean people are, give an example. An event. A moment in time. And for all our sakes, cut the cliches. We're all teenagers here, and we don't find any of this new and refreshing.

-Colleen

smorg and everyone else basically covered it. this isn't poetry, sorry to be blunt but it isnt. keep the emo in your diary.

seriously, "i hate my life"? at least be more articulate than that

here comes the constructive critisism: to write real poetry, avoid clichés like the plague ^.^ excuse the pun. and when you MUST tackle emotions such as love, death, and pain then use concrete things to support the emotion at hand (such as 1st hand examples).


i suggest deleting this before Brad gets ahold of it.

o and cade: yes you are a very capable poet and brad=incandecence, just an fyi for those who didnt know (i forgot because he signs his real name in his critiques)

I like it! Very constructive and you put a lot of feeling into it.

How I think you could have cut these two verses.

I hate my life
I hate it so bad I wanna cry
I never want to be anyone
I just rather be gone.


I hate my life!
I hate my life!

Keep writing
~Loz

I think I could only relate to the story, but I wasn't drawn in. Only because if I heard while walking down the street I would think someone was ranting to themselves, not speaking poetry. I suggest making the poetry almost a conversation? Answer invisable questions as if you're addressing someone in a conversation.

But I honestly thought it was okay, only because I could relate. It's sad when only people who relate like it.

I agree with Kion....I can relate to this and if I heard this on the street it would seem a bit ramble-like......but I can feel your hatred through the words but it is a bit faint......try harder next time and I'm sure you will succed ^^



-Uo The lady in gray

gothgirl01 wrote:I hate my life
I hate it so bad I wanna cry
I never want to be anyone
I just rather be gone.

"Please dear God,
Save me from this place.
A place people call home.
This is a place to be alone."

Life sucks this I know
Work sucks I hate that so
I wanna go some place far far away
I just want to leave this place some day.

People drive me crazy and mad
They think i am all bad.
This is why my life sucks
Cause all the people in my life hate me

Some people think I am crazy
That is what your immature minds think.
You think your better than everyone else
This is why I hate life

I hate my life!
I hate my life!

This is really good, but deep with details. For people who've thought about life and how much they hate it, and or how much it hates them, they can relate to it. Even though people who can relate to it, may've had a dfifferent life style, you're never alone. Keep up the good work.

The poem is confusing I know because I wrote it. But it isn't terrible like ya'll said. Its just differnent. I agree on some of the critique but not all. So I don't care how terrible or not terrible it is I like it. It expresses some emotion there.

It is kind of confusing , but it was good!